The following Dodgers have been smited by the JDK for their crimes against Jam:
All the girls! for picking on the JDK and damaging his already delicate self esteem!
The Basserd Who Nicked Copper's Stuff For the offense of nicking Copper's stuff. You are a tw*t, whoever you are and we all hope you get run over by a tram in Nottingham. Or Liverpool. Or whereever else they have trams!
Copper For the crime of playing with her Wii instead of her Jammie pals!
As I understand it, the common-or-garden English pasty is pretty timid and will try to run away as soon as they see you - this is sort of difficult as they have no legs which makes it fairly easy to capture them. Unfortunately their wet and weedy lifestyle is reflected in the flavour.
Now the indigenous Cornish Pasty is a very different thing. they tend to roam Bodmin Moor in small herds (usually distinguished from each other with bandanas or herd tattoos). Swift and rabid, they are nigh on impossible to catch. Fortunately, when two pasty herds meet on the Moor, a vicious battle generally ensues during which many pasties lose their lives. It is a short and violent life for a Corish pasty.
Professional Pasty hunters will track a herd of pasties for weeks on end hoping for a bit of pasty warfare. Once the battle ends and the pasties disperse, they swoop in to collect the pasty corpses and sell them for consumption while they're still fresh. Lovely.
A warning for any Jammie Dodgers who plan to hunt Cornish Pasties - never disturb a Female Pasty and her litter of Pastlets. When defending her young, the female pasty is one of the deadliest killers on the planet. In fact it is rumoured amongst the most devoted Pasterians that the entire Big Cat population of Bodmin moor was wiped out in the seventies by a disgruntled female pasty.
I have prepared the following picture of a Rabid Female Cornish Pastie to illustrate what a truly terrifying prospect they are!
I was on the Norfolk Broads on a 12ft x 35ft motor cruiser with the family in tow (not literally!)
A good time was had by all. I now have a mountainous pile of washing to do. It's so huge it's bigger than the number of posts I've got to read through here!
It's nice to have the home comforts again though - like a flushing loo!