The following Dodgers have been smited by the JDK for their crimes against Jam:
All the girls! for picking on the JDK and damaging his already delicate self esteem!
The Basserd Who Nicked Copper's Stuff For the offense of nicking Copper's stuff. You are a tw*t, whoever you are and we all hope you get run over by a tram in Nottingham. Or Liverpool. Or whereever else they have trams!
Copper For the crime of playing with her Wii instead of her Jammie pals!
Britain's most convicted motorist has been jailed for driving while banned for the 48th time.
Jamie Manderson, 33, from Swindon, has been disqualified from driving each year since 1988, when he was 15.
The club bouncer's solicitor, Rob Ross, said that, in addition to being hooked on drugs, Manderson had a "serious addiction to cars".
Manderson was jailed for five months by Swindon magistrates on Wednesday after admitting driving while disqualified.
He also admitted driving without insurance in June this year, shortly after a spell in prison.
Manderson has nearly 200 previous convictions, mainly for motoring matters.
About eight years ago he ran over a 12-year-old cyclist as he drove a robbery getaway car.
At Wednesday's hearing the court heard how in June Manderson was arrested outside his Swindon home after a police officer saw him parking a BMW.
He admitted the fresh offences at the local police station and was remanded in custody until Thursday's hearing.
Magistrate Mamie Beasant told Manderson: "If you keep on disobeying court orders, you will keep being brought back to this court and, I can promise you, you will go to prison."
She imposed an additional two-year driving ban.
At a previous hearing, Manderson's tally of 48 offences of driving while disqualified was labelled "unique".
Outside court his lawyer Mr Ross said: "Jamie is a likeable idiot, really. Jamie suffers from a very serious addiction to cars. He just can't leave them alone.
"During the 1980s he used to steal cars to order and he made a lot of money.
"Then, a few years ago, he got addicted to heroin, but it's the cars he's really hooked on. He just doesn't understand the words 'don't drive'."
Yeah. He looks like a likeable idiot in his picture, doesn't he. Or does he look more like a thug? I just can't decide!
I really hope that his lawyer had a better defence than: "He just doesn't understand the words 'don't drive'." If not he should ask for his money back. What do you mean legal aid? You mean I had to pay for this???
A Banned driver who led police on a car chase through Bristol at rush hour has been jailed for nine months. Tony Hewlett had been disqualified from driving 18 times before police spotted him behind the wheel yet again in May last year. They pursued him and arrested him.
Hewlett, 34, of North Street, Bedminster, pleaded guilty to dangerous driving, driving while disqualified and without insurance...
...Sally Thompson, prosecuting, told Bristol Crown Court on Friday that police spotted Hewlett driving in Fishponds and signalled for him to stop.
He failed to do so and led a number of police cars along a number of roads, including Manor Road, Blackberry Hill and Broom Hill, before he stopped his car and was detained in Park Road.
Jennifer Tallentire, defending, told the court her client was a particularly vulnerable man.
She said he was someone who needed a great deal of support, but had, in the past, slipped through the net of various agencies.
She said: "He's not very good at attending appointments.
"He moves around and, while he uses illegal drugs, they are always going to make his mental state more fragile.
"They cause him to hallucinate and hear voices.
"Everyone, including himself, is coming to the conclusion that, until he stops using drugs, he will be back before the court, remaining in a cycle of serving prison sentences."
Miss Tallentire said that her client's use of amphetamine had contributed to his problems.
She stressed to the court that it was not actually the worst case of dangerous driving.
She said the fastest he travelled was around 45mph.
And she said he slowed for corners and red lights, and did not travel on the wrong side of the road.
She said that when the vehicle's clutch burned out, he slowed down and halted.
Do you get the impression that his lawyer wasn't trying very hard?
I was going to comment on the high quality of the reporter's prose... but I don't think I'm gonna after all!