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The Jammie Dodger Bored Board -> JDBB -> The Jammie Dodger Bored Board -> Defenseless
Post Info TOPIC: Defenseless
NateO


Vice JDK
and Man of the People




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Posts: 5453
Date: Jun 24, 2004
Defenseless
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Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.

"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender. "Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy. "That little ****, O'Conner?," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand." "That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin'
he gave me with it." "Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself. Didn't you have
something in your hand?" "That I did," said Paddy... "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight."

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Andromeda


Proud House-Owner




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Posts: 1139
Date: Jun 24, 2004
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clap

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ddvmor


I am the Jammie King!




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Posts: 12736
Date: Jun 25, 2004
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  Excellent, sir.  You the Man!

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NateO


Vice JDK
and Man of the People




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Date: Jun 25, 2004
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It's a celebration, and I'm just getting started!


An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.

A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "where have ya been?" "Why, I've been to the pub, of course," slurs the drunk. "Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening." "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile. "Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back your wife fell out of your car?"

"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."

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ddvmor


I am the Jammie King!




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Posts: 12736
Date: Jun 25, 2004
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Ah, 'tis good so it is, to be sure!

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Susan


Tickle me, Elmo!

I'm Roger Moore's Stunt Double!



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Posts: 4936
Date: Jun 25, 2004
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Oh Nucker, me ole mucker you are the cream off the top of the Jersey Gold Cap! clap

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NateO


Vice JDK
and Man of the People




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Date: Jun 25, 2004
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Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya." "Of course you can come in, you're always welcome,Tim. But where's my husband?"

"That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..." "Oh, God, no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me" "I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."

Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?" "It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned." "Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"

"Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."





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JonnyStead


"I'm Lois!"


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Date: Jun 25, 2004
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Sweet!

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NateO


Vice JDK
and Man of the People




Status: Offline
Posts: 5453
Date: Jun 25, 2004
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Sweet title!

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ddvmor


I am the Jammie King!




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Posts: 12736
Date: Jun 25, 2004
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I just found the option.  Must be new!

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NateO


Vice JDK
and Man of the People




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Date: Jun 25, 2004
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Well done man!

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NateO


Vice JDK
and Man of the People




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Date: Jun 25, 2004
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O'Connell was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg.

"Please, God," he implored, "let it be blood!"

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bonniepirateanne


I ain't a Pirate and I ain't called Anne, but I sure am Bonnie!

(Mrs)




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Posts: 3266
Date: Jun 25, 2004
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quote:
Originally posted by: ddvmor
"I just found the option.  Must be new!"
do i get one? >insert innocent angelic smiley face here<

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current location: Antrim. I like it.
ddvmor


I am the Jammie King!




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Posts: 12736
Date: Jun 26, 2004
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Yes

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bonniepirateanne


I ain't a Pirate and I ain't called Anne, but I sure am Bonnie!

(Mrs)




Status: Offline
Posts: 3266
Date: Jun 26, 2004
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thanks

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current location: Antrim. I like it.
ddvmor


I am the Jammie King!




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Posts: 12736
Date: Jun 26, 2004
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No problem.  Have a nice day.

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bonniepirateanne


I ain't a Pirate and I ain't called Anne, but I sure am Bonnie!

(Mrs)




Status: Offline
Posts: 3266
Date: Jun 27, 2004
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er, you too

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current location: Antrim. I like it.
NateO


Vice JDK
and Man of the People




Status: Offline
Posts: 5453
Date: Jun 28, 2004
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Nice highjack! I suppose I originated the highjacking of my own thread. Need it back though.



Late one Friday night the police noticed a man driving very erratically through the streets of Belfast. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening.

"Aye, so I have. 'Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was something called "Happy Hour" and they served these mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five o` those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and O` course I had to go in for a couple of Guinness -couldn`t be rude, ye know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later .." And the man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for inspection.

The officer sighed, and said, "Sir, I`m afraid I`ll need you to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test."

Indignantly, the man said, "Why? Don`t ye believe me???!!!"

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Joe


Ah Pity Da Foo!

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Posts: 602
Date: Jun 29, 2004
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Looks like i got here too late - numerous jokes making fun of the irish and our penchant for fine alcohol - or any alcohol





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NateO


Vice JDK
and Man of the People




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Posts: 5453
Date: Jun 29, 2004
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Seamus was tending bar when a patron came in and ordered a beer and a shot. A little while later another came in and they struck up a conversation.

"Let me buy you a drink in memory of my mother land, Ireland." the first said. "Ireland?, I'm from Ireland too. I come from Dublin. Let's drink to Dublin!" said the second. "Dublin? Why I grew up there. Went to St. Mary's." replied the first. "Me too," said the second, "class of '57." "Seamus, another round for the Class of '57!" ordered the first. And so it went.

A short time later another patron came in and asked, "Hey Seamus, What's going on in here today?" "Nothing much," the bartender replied, "Just the O'Reilly twins getting drunk again."

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Joe


Ah Pity Da Foo!

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Posts: 602
Date: Jun 29, 2004
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must find jokes about canadians

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NateO


Vice JDK
and Man of the People




Status: Offline
Posts: 5453
Date: Jun 29, 2004
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I posted some Canadian wisenheimers

Enjoy eh!

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NateO


Vice JDK
and Man of the People




Status: Offline
Posts: 5453
Date: Jun 29, 2004
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Whoops, bad links!

Try the following:

link 1 and link 2




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NateO


Vice JDK
and Man of the People




Status: Offline
Posts: 5453
Date: Jun 29, 2004
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Padraic Flaherty came home drunk every evening toward ten. Now, the Missus was never too happy about it, either. So one night she hides in the cemetery and figures to scare the beejeezus out of him. As poor Pat wanders by, up from behind a tombstone she jumps in a red devil costume screaming, "Padraic Sean Flaherty, sure and ya' don't give up you're drinkin' and it's to Hell I'll take ye'". Pat, undaunted, staggered back and demanded, "Who the hell ARE you?". Too that the Missus replied, "I'm the divil ya' damned old fool". To which Flaherty remarked, Damned glad to meet you sir, I'm married to yer sister."

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