The following Dodgers have been smited by the JDK for their crimes against Jam:
All the girls! for picking on the JDK and damaging his already delicate self esteem!
The Basserd Who Nicked Copper's Stuff For the offense of nicking Copper's stuff. You are a tw*t, whoever you are and we all hope you get run over by a tram in Nottingham. Or Liverpool. Or whereever else they have trams!
Copper For the crime of playing with her Wii instead of her Jammie pals!
So, I have a bag of Walkers Salt and Vinegar crisps in front of me and the nutritional values are as follows:
perper 36g bag100g protein 2.2g 6.5g carbs 17.3g 50g fat 11.4g 33.0g fibre 1.4g 4.0g sodium 0.3g 0.9g eq as salt 0.8g 2.3g
Now, I've added them up and got the following totals:
Per 36g bag: 33.4g Per 100g: 96.7g
If i can take the values of the 100g serving as a percentage, this means that a whopping 3.3% of my crisps are actually missing!
I have a theory... You know all that dark matter malarkey that scientists have come up with to explain the missing mass in the universe? Well I reckon I have dark crisps in my bag. Spooky, huh. Now I just have to find the Great Attractor...
Well first of all, you can't do sums! You've put in both the salt & the sodium, should be a total of 95.8g of stuff per 100g. I'd suggest the remaining 4.2g is either water or some non-food substance.
You'd think that, but I've done it right. The sodium is listed as 0.9g and then there's a separate entry 'equivalent as salt' as 2.3g. I can tell that the remaining mass is not water as the crisps are quite dry so it must be a 'non-food substance'. I'm thinkin' rocks...
I have to disagree on the sodium thing Mr Morrissey: You're wrong. That'd be like adding total carbohydrates and "carbohydrates: of which sugars". You're definitely counting the sodium twice.
Well, I can only tell you what it says on the bag. The ingredients list salt separately from Monosodium Glutameate, diosodium something or other and sodium diacetate (from which I think I may die).
Either way, the point is that there is missing mass, not the salt content of my lunch
Ah yes, but it doesn't say "salt content" does it? It says "equivalent as salt" ie if all the sodium were from salt then this is how much you'd get. Ooh, maybe that's it, maybe your crisps contain several grams of glutomate?
Or maybe it contains several grams of non-baryonic matter that cannot be measured cos we can't detect it on account of it only being theoretical and that's why they've chosen to avoid the issue and not list it.
I have an update for you, anyhow. I've just e-mailed Walkers with the problem and I'm sure they'll be in touch in due course. I even have a reference number...
You know all that dark matter malarkey that scientists have come up with to explain the missing mass in the universe? Well I reckon I have dark crisps in my bag. Spooky, huh. Now I just have to find the Great Attractor...
Very scary.
The boredome must have been pretty strong in this one!!
If the mass is missing, it was probably converted to energy, as we know:
E=MC˛
So given the displacement in mass, the result in liklihood was energy. Were the crisps in question hotter than they might have been otherwise?
Given Nate's suggestion about conversion to energy, I'm now a bit concerened that microwaving the crisps might cause a devastaing thermonuclear explosion that would wipe bristol off the face of the earth.
Now before you say 'who cares if Bristol is wiped off the face of the earth?' I'd point out that I'm quite attached to my life and would prefer it not to be reduced to atoms just yet...
Mmm. Given Nate's suggestion about conversion to energy, I'm now a bit concerened that microwaving the crisps might cause a devastaing thermonuclear explosion that would wipe bristol off the face of the earth. Now before you say 'who cares if Bristol is wiped off the face of the earth?' I'd point out that I'm quite attached to my life and would prefer it not to be reduced to atoms just yet...
Sorry tell me again about the downside?
__________________
I'll take arrogance and the inevitable hubris over self-doubt and lack of confidence.
"Everyone has a plan, until they get punched in the face" - Mike Tyson
so it must be a 'non-food substance'. I'm thinkin' rocks...
