The following Dodgers have been smited by the JDK for their crimes against Jam:
All the girls! for picking on the JDK and damaging his already delicate self esteem!
The Basserd Who Nicked Copper's Stuff For the offense of nicking Copper's stuff. You are a tw*t, whoever you are and we all hope you get run over by a tram in Nottingham. Or Liverpool. Or whereever else they have trams!
Copper For the crime of playing with her Wii instead of her Jammie pals!
Mail deliveries to a hamlet with just three residents have been suspended after safety experts picked out 23 potential hazards for the postman.
A stile, farmyard and a dry stone wall were among the possible "dangers" in a Postcomm health and safety report.
The inhabitants of Cefn Minog in Monmouthshire now have to travel to the post office to pick up their mail.
Local MP and AM David Davies called it "ridiculous," but Royal Mail said it had a duty to protect its employees.
Conservative Mr Davies, who has seen the 32-page Postcomm report, joked that the area seemed to have been identified as a "dangerous sports centre".
"You can go skydiving in California or bungee jumping in New Zealand or you can walk up a short farm track in Abergavenny," he said.
Here's the coolest quote though...
Ian Powell, who lives at Great Gott Farm, said: "We've had a fatality with a chicken being run over by a postman, but that's the only thing I can remember in 40 years."