The following Dodgers have been smited by the JDK for their crimes against Jam:
All the girls! for picking on the JDK and damaging his already delicate self esteem!
The Basserd Who Nicked Copper's Stuff For the offense of nicking Copper's stuff. You are a tw*t, whoever you are and we all hope you get run over by a tram in Nottingham. Or Liverpool. Or whereever else they have trams!
Copper For the crime of playing with her Wii instead of her Jammie pals!
A woman who lost six of her fingers in a work accident has had them reattached in a 17-hour operation. How best to save a severed digit?
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What are the key factors in successfully reattaching a severed digit?
The window of opportunity is usually six to 12 hours, and success depends on how much damage has been done to the muscles, as these are the first to die.
To save the tissue from further damage, keep the amputated finger wrapped in clingfilm, on ice, preferably in a jar or cup with a lid. Don't put it in water as this will cause it to shrivel up and become unusable for the surgeon trying to reattach the finger.
And be sure to gather up all parts of a severed digit, no matter how small. The body cannot grow a new nail bed, the tissue directly under the nail, so being able to use the original tissue makes a big difference to whether a full reconstruction can take place.
Ready for the best bit?
Last May, a US man found a severed finger in a tub of ice cream, then refused to give it back to an injured employee so it could be reattached. Instead Clarence Stowers, of North Carolina, took it home and put it in his freezer as evidence in legal action against the store. A week later he offered to return it, too late for surgeons to be able to act.
North Carolina again. Why are there so many odd people in NC? Hmm?
No, no. You have it all wrong. You're supposed to put the fingers in a jam jar with ice (and presumably no jam). If you sit on them, you'll squash em, and quite possibly get blood on your bum.
Andromeda wrote:
I'm typing this with my nose you see. I'm sure you're all quite impressed.