The following Dodgers have been smited by the JDK for their crimes against Jam:
All the girls! for picking on the JDK and damaging his already delicate self esteem!
The Basserd Who Nicked Copper's Stuff For the offense of nicking Copper's stuff. You are a tw*t, whoever you are and we all hope you get run over by a tram in Nottingham. Or Liverpool. Or whereever else they have trams!
Copper For the crime of playing with her Wii instead of her Jammie pals!
I don't know if you nice folks on the other side of the pond have this problem, but good god I know it exists here and I'm sick of it.
What on earth is up with charities over here? Apparently, after I adopted Karma from a shelter, every animal activist organization in the entire country got my mailing address. So help me I get mail begging me for money to "save the animals!" at least twice a week.
Look, I'll all for helping animals not starve and all. I mean it's not that I'm uncaring, but I hate these letters with a passion. They always start off with a picture of like a 5 week old puppy with his leg in a sling. "Poor Rover was beaten up by the neighborhood cat, then starved for three weeks, then run over with a car. Then a toddler poked his eye out with an ice pick and an eagle bit off his tail. But we rescued him! Send us money!"
Then they go into making you feel like your a terrible person if you don't empty out your savings account and send it to them immediately. "We need your support! Without YOU these loving, trusting animals will starve in the streets! There will be so many, you'll trip over the corpses. It's up to YOU!"
And as a kicker, there's a "free" offer. "And just for sending us $1000/month, you'll receive a lovely subscription to Animals-Who-Will-Starve-And-Die-Miserable-Deaths-Without-Your-Money Digest Weekly and a photo of an animal currently in our shelter along with a letter, written by your sponsor dog, about his life here at We Save Animals Shelter. Please also accept the lovely kitty and puppy mailing labels we have included as our gift. (Please ignore any incorrect spellings of your name. Our worker animals are not very good at typing, but they need to work to eat!)"
It's just pitiful is what it is. And wouldn't it just be easier to not send out mailings to everyone in the US? Something tells me if they stopped with the junk mail, they'd save a bundle and could use that money to save the animals.
Geez... I've got my own zoo here that needs food, shelter and medical attention. I'm doing my part. They can just shove it.
You are correct in your rantiness. This is not restricted to animal charities, but children's charities and third world charities, too. It sucks and I object strenuously to organisations using guilt to try and screw money out of me. My feeling is that it's morally unethical. Maybe supermarkets should start using this method:
Buy your fozen peas from us or we'll have to sack poor Diane who's worked as a cashier here for 20 years. She's a single mum and this is her only income. If you don't buy our peas, we can't afford to pay her and her nine children will starve to death - AND IT WILL BE YOUR FAULT! MURDERER!!!
Then the Banks can get in on the act.
This is Derek. He's a shareholder with Barclays Bank. While Barclays maintain a healthy market share, Derek can continue to live in a style to which he's become accustomed. But if YOU don't have your account with us, our share price will go down and poor Derek will have to give up his fourth home in Barbados, his executive jet or worse, one of his six extra marital mistresses!
i did a fast for a certain 'concerned' charity when i was about 11 and ever since i receive weekly updates on how if i don't do it again some poor little kid is going to have their middles fall out..
none of the charities seems to care that you might already give money to good causes - if you ain't giving it to them they dont care
oh and do you know what reallllllly pisses me off - the guys on the street that 'just want a moment of your time' to sign up your bank account to a permanent direct debit of at least £50 a month to save the poor murderer in taiwan who faces the death penalty for killing a village of innocent children.. And if you don't stop for them they sneer at you like you just commited the murder of an entire village of innocent children and now you deserve to die.
Feckin Chuggers. We need to start a campaign to eradicate this blight from our lives. Why don't we start a chartity and send mailings to everyone. And chug them on the street. Yes. It's a cunning plan...
Good to see I'm not the only people these guys irritate.
There's the god people too. This group of zelots that hangs out in front of Walmart selling shirts with god slogans on them. The money goes to their church to like... I don't know... buy the priest new robes or something... But they'll scream at you and give you nasty looks if you ignore them when they try to pawn off the latest in Jesus Wear on you.
Man even if I was religious I wouldn't buy their shirts. I have one shirt left with writing on it and it says "SELECT * FROM Users WHERE Clue > 0 0 Rows Returned"
And that's it. No slogans for me thank you very much.
I stopped sponsoring a child because of all the begging letters from the charity concerned. All of a sudden I was responsible for bank rolling every aid effort on the planet. Bloody do-gooders...
Now there is a child in Asia who once had shoes and a school to go to and now doesnt... which is a shame - but hey
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I'll take arrogance and the inevitable hubris over self-doubt and lack of confidence.
"Everyone has a plan, until they get punched in the face" - Mike Tyson
I'm sure I read this somewhere but a certain large charity here has some filthy amount of money in the bank, not going to projects to help people, simply sitting in the bank.
What I can't stand are the mobile charity people, generally in their early 20's who crowd a certain street, let's say Corn Street in Bristol. In a fifty yard stretch you can be asked 3 or 4 times to stop and give money. I'll give money, in my own good time at my discretion, not when asked by some panhandling spotty herbert who think because I'm under 30 he can call me mate. Well listen mate, I haven't got a proverbial pot to wee in at the mo so stick your clipboard where the sun doesn't shine before I do.
Hate them, hate them with a passion!
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