The following Dodgers have been smited by the JDK for their crimes against Jam:
All the girls! for picking on the JDK and damaging his already delicate self esteem!
The Basserd Who Nicked Copper's Stuff For the offense of nicking Copper's stuff. You are a tw*t, whoever you are and we all hope you get run over by a tram in Nottingham. Or Liverpool. Or whereever else they have trams!
Copper For the crime of playing with her Wii instead of her Jammie pals!
Trial bid to stop belching cows Aberdeen scientists are carrying out commercial trials on a feed additive which they hope will stop cows from producing large amounts of methane.
Cattle are capable of producing 500 litres of the potent greenhouse gas every day, mostly through belching.
Researchers at the Rowett Research Institute have found a way of cutting back on the methane produced by ruminants like sheep and cows.
The natural additive works as part of the normal digestive process.
Dr John Wallace, who is leading the research, said: "We've done a lamb trial recently in which we used this additive and we obtained a 70% decrease in methane formation.
Isn't that great? I think it's great. Less cow-burping.
But that ain't all. Lets make their poo smell nicer too:
Aromatic plant oils in cattle feed could make cows less flatulent and dung smell sweeter if a research project is successful.
The EU-funded project led by scientists at the Rowett Research Institute in Aberdeen could create a "safe, green alternative" to existing additives such as antibiotics.
Natural plant extracts contain essential oils which have been found to have a beneficial effect on bacteria in the cow's rumen - the first section of the stomach.
Using aromatic extracts of herbs such as thyme, mint and others could reduce the level of fermentation in the rumen - causing less flatulence and a more bearable smell.
Excellent work. And once their research is complete, I shall persude our facilities guys in my office to put the additives into the water here so that, just maybe, the loos won't stink.