The following Dodgers have been smited by the JDK for their crimes against Jam:
All the girls! for picking on the JDK and damaging his already delicate self esteem!
The Basserd Who Nicked Copper's Stuff For the offense of nicking Copper's stuff. You are a tw*t, whoever you are and we all hope you get run over by a tram in Nottingham. Or Liverpool. Or whereever else they have trams!
Copper For the crime of playing with her Wii instead of her Jammie pals!
Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
Q. What do you call a Serbian prostitute?
A. Sloberdown Mycockyoubitch.
Q. Why do women call it PMS?
A. Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
This one's for you Susan:
Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your own vasectomy.
Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
Q. How can you tell the porno star at the gas station?
A. Just as the gas starts up the hose, he pulls out the nozzle and sprays the gas all over the car.
Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the animals that kick.
Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it.
Q. What is a Yankee?
A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.
Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.
Q. What is the difference between "ooooooh" and "aaaaaaah"?
A. About three inches.
Q. What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?
A. Well-hung.
Q. Why do gay men wear ribbed condoms?
A. For traction in the mud.
Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?
A. The grip.
Q. How do you find a Blind Man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.
Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.
Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 lbs.
Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes
Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.
Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.
Q: Why don't men fake orgasm?
A: Cos no man would pull those faces on purpose.
1/ Why did God create woman? To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.
2/ If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love? The swallow.
3/ How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex? Phone her.
4/ Why do women fake orgasms? Because they think men care.
5/ What is the definition of "making love"? Something a woman does while a guy is shagging her.
6/ What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down and use a lubricant.
7/ What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex? Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
8/ How many sexists does it take to change a lightbulb? None, let the bitch cook in the dark.
9/ What's the difference between pre-menstrual tension and B.S.E? One's mad cow disease, the other's an agricultural problem.
10/ Why does the bride always wear white? Because it's good for the
dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.
11/ Deleted
12/ How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it in.
13/ If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong? Made her chain too long.
14/ How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry it!
15/ What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has a positive side.
16/ What are the three fastest means of communication? Internet
2)Telephone 3)Telawoman
17/ Why do hunters make the best lovers? Because they go deep in the bush, shoot more than once and they eat what they shoot.
18/ How are fat girls and mopeds alike? They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.
19/ How is a woman like a condom? Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
20/ What should you give a woman who has everything? A man to show her how to work it.
21/ How are twisters (tornadoes) and marriage alike? They both begin with a lot of blowing and sucking, and in the end you lose your house.
22/ Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle? She knows she's given her last blow job.
23/ What's the difference between a bitch and a whore? A whore sleeps with everyone at the party, a bitch sleeps with everyone at the party except you.
24/ What's the difference between your wife and your job? After 10 years the job still sucks.
25/ What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off?
Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.
26/ Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist? Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.
27/ Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra? When you take it off you wonder where her tits went.
28/ How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good? Put a nipple on it.
29/ Why did the woman cross the road? Never mind that what's the bitch doing out of the kitchen in the first place?
30/ Why are there no female astronauts on the moon? Cos it doesn't need cleaning yet.
Can you imagine what kind of reaction i'd get if I posted this on UA!!!
__________________
If a cat always lands on it's feet, and toast always lands butter side down. What happens if you strap toast to the back of a cat?
I expect they'd ban you! I'm thinking of banning you fo suggesting that my jokes aren't funny! Only problem is, I don't know how to do it and I can't be *rsed to look it up!
I expect they'd ban you! I'm thinking of banning you fo suggesting that my jokes aren't funny! Only problem is, I don't know how to do it and I can't be *rsed to look it up! 
What's there not to understand boys? 
