The following Dodgers have been smited by the JDK for their crimes against Jam:
All the girls! for picking on the JDK and damaging his already delicate self esteem!
The Basserd Who Nicked Copper's Stuff For the offense of nicking Copper's stuff. You are a tw*t, whoever you are and we all hope you get run over by a tram in Nottingham. Or Liverpool. Or whereever else they have trams!
Copper For the crime of playing with her Wii instead of her Jammie pals!
Lord have mercy! So I go to my local pub last night to chill, as in low-key relaxation, maybe hang out with some friends, and then another local frequenter shows up... Not good. This guy's a hyperactive, spastic, tweaker. And for some unknown reason, he really likes me, and I'm not sure why, I'm intentionally ill-mannered around him, apparently not enough though...
It seems his favourite thing to do on a Saturday night is to get right in my ear and yell at me about crap that he either knows nothing about or that I don't care about for hours on end, and I'm at a loss as to what to do about it. It's really quite irritating, a waste of a perfectly good night, actually.
If you saw this guy in action, you'd think 'wow, that guy's in rare form...', but he's not, it's his typical crap, par for the course. And what's worse, is that normal people recognize how 'out there' this guy is and won't come talk to me, and he follows me around the pub!
Last night was even worse, however. As I was saying, this guy's a spas, so you don't just get a verbal flogging for 4 hours, you get the full hand gestures in your face and whatnot as well.
Well, I'm slugging my beverage, in an attempt to put myself out of misery, out of a heavy mug, and he throws his arms up in some rant about something. The problem is that he smacks the shit out of my drinking arm, driving my half-full mug right into my face, to the point where I damn near fell off my stool, and at 6'2" and 175 lbs, you have to hit me pretty damn hard to knock me around like that...
At this point I am drenched in beer and I seriously thought I lost a tooth, which bore the brunt of the blow. He really knocked me shitless and scared the shit out me, not looking to have major dental work at this point... Fortunately, the tooth is in tact...
What the hell do I do with this guy? This is my favourite pub in town and he ruins it for me, every time, I left early and pretty wee weeed off last night...
He's probably not a bad guy intentionally, even bought me a shot to burry the hatchet, following his unintentional assault on my tooth... However, my goal is to spend the evening with normal people, perhaps even attractive women, not getting a major-league reaming and having my teeth knocked around the bar by a goofball...
Should I kick the crap out of him or tell him to bugger right off? Hate to see a grown man, much bigger than me, actually, cry... I'm not really a violent person, but this person is really pushing me to more drastic measures of convincing him to leave me alone... Argh!
Dude, I reckon the best thing to do is tell him politely but firmly to leave you the hell alone.
Ya don't wanna get abusive; just buy him a shot, take him to one side to ensure that he's not humiliated in front of the other patrons of that fine establishment and simply tell him as frankly as you can that you don't want him hanging around you. Pat him once on the shoulder and then go and talk to the fine chicks that are hanging around the end of the bar. Never, ever make eye contact with him again!
Ya don't wanna stop him having a good time in the pub, but just remind him that that's what you're there for, too - and he's spoilin' it for you.
Dude, I reckon the best thing to do is tell him politely but firmly to leave you the hell alone. Ya don't wanna get abusive; just buy him a shot, take him to one side to ensure that he's not humiliated in front of the other patrons of that fine establishment and simply tell him as frankly as you can that you don't want him hanging around you. Pat him once on the shoulder and then go and talk to the fine chicks that are hanging around the end of the bar. Never, ever make eye contact with him again! Ya don't wanna stop him having a good time in the pub, but just remind him that that's what you're there for, too - and he's spoilin' it for you. That's my two penneth. Who's next?
Dazza has this spot on mate - nice and polite but firm... always firm...
Then if he doesnt get the message grip him firmly by the voicebox and the bollies and escort him out of the pub and under a car...
Thats my view...
__________________
I'll take arrogance and the inevitable hubris over self-doubt and lack of confidence.
"Everyone has a plan, until they get punched in the face" - Mike Tyson
