The following Dodgers have been smited by the JDK for their crimes against Jam:
All the girls! for picking on the JDK and damaging his already delicate self esteem!
The Basserd Who Nicked Copper's Stuff For the offense of nicking Copper's stuff. You are a tw*t, whoever you are and we all hope you get run over by a tram in Nottingham. Or Liverpool. Or whereever else they have trams!
Copper For the crime of playing with her Wii instead of her Jammie pals!
Apparently he's quit. Just gotta stop the fry-ups now!
Beijing - A chimpanzee in a Chinese zoo has successfully kicked a 16-year smoking habit after becoming hooked when two spouses died and her daughter left, state press said on Monday.
"In the first few days, she squealed for cigarettes every now and then, but as her life became more colourful, she gradually forgot about them altogether," one zookeeper was quoted as saying.
"She's served fried dishes and dumplings at every meal, alongside her usual diet of milk, banana and rice," he said, "I also put earphones on her so that she could enjoy some pop music from my Walkman."
The report did not say why zookeepers started giving the animal cigarettes, or whether they faced punishment.
China is the world's largest cigarette consumer, with education about the dangers of tobacco not widely known. China has lax laws protecting the rights of animals.