The following Dodgers have been smited by the JDK for their crimes against Jam:
All the girls! for picking on the JDK and damaging his already delicate self esteem!
The Basserd Who Nicked Copper's Stuff For the offense of nicking Copper's stuff. You are a tw*t, whoever you are and we all hope you get run over by a tram in Nottingham. Or Liverpool. Or whereever else they have trams!
Copper For the crime of playing with her Wii instead of her Jammie pals!
Poor Stead. He has suffered the most terrible injury during fearsome battle against the forces of evil in his front garden.
We were taking on the murderous hedge outside his front door... the one that gangs up on our Stead and tried to tear his suit or conspires to get him wet whenever he walks past. Armed with our finest weapons, a pair of secataurs, a long handled paring thingummy and a small saw, our offensive started well, reducing the evil hedge to a pile of severed branches.
Sadly, however, it made a last ditch attempt to defeat us, forcing Stead to slip on the step and twist his ankle clean off! It was horrific. Blood was spurting everywhere! The jagged edge of the bone was protruding from the bloody stump where his foot should have been!
Did Stead scream and swear and cry like a girl? Of course not. He's all Man, is our stead. Intead, he dragged himself indoors and repaired the broken leg with some super glue and welding torch.
Stead needs your sympathy and best wishes. You can send them in the form of cash or a personal cheque!
Some of this anecdote may be untrue. Inside sources suggest that Stead may have simply slipped on the step and twisted his ankle. It has also been intimated that he may have blubbered like a girl...
