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The Jammie Dodger Bored Board -> JDBB -> The Jammie Dodger Bored Board -> The MOST stupid thing
Post Info TOPIC: The MOST stupid thing
Susan


Tickle me, Elmo!

I'm Roger Moore's Stunt Double!



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Posts: 4936
Date: Apr 18, 2005
The MOST stupid thing
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I did the singularly most stupid thing I have EVER done this weekend.


One of the little rubber feet fell off my glass chopping board yesterday after a short holiday in the dishwasher.  So I resolved to glue it back on.  With superglue.


The lid of the superglue was stuck tight, but rather than get a pair of pliers to try and loosen it, I decided, in my infinite wisdom, to save time and use my teeth.


I applied pressure with my teeth, twisted the glue and hey presto the lid came off!  Unfortunately, the pressure inside the little pot was too great and having the lid prized off it decided to squirt some of the contents all over my tongue.


So there I stood, superglue on my tongue thinking "Aaaaargh"  and "how am I going to explain this to the doctor at A&E?"


Thankfully, it started to peel off of it's own accord and a medical emergency was avoided.


I shan't be doing that againin a hurry.



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ddvmor


I am the Jammie King!




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Date: Apr 18, 2005
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Susan


Tickle me, Elmo!

I'm Roger Moore's Stunt Double!



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Posts: 4936
Date: Apr 18, 2005
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Yes, I know.

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HaloBurn


Dad



Yarrr...



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Posts: 552
Date: Apr 18, 2005
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lol,

Have you heard of the Darwin awards?

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Susan


Tickle me, Elmo!

I'm Roger Moore's Stunt Double!



Status: Offline
Posts: 4936
Date: Apr 18, 2005
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Tell me more while I google.

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Susan


Tickle me, Elmo!

I'm Roger Moore's Stunt Double!



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Posts: 4936
Date: Apr 18, 2005
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Hahahahaha!


"The Darwin Awards salute the improvement of the human genome by honoring those who accidentally kill themselves in really stupid ways. Of necessity, this honor is generally bestowed posthumously."



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HaloBurn


Dad



Yarrr...



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Posts: 552
Date: Apr 18, 2005
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I love the one about the guy who attached helium baloons to a deck chair and took a flight into the flight path of Internation flights, all he had was a packed lunch to help him rflmao.

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I aint no wide eyed rebel, but I aint no preachers son.
HaloBurn


Dad



Yarrr...



Status: Offline
Posts: 552
Date: Apr 18, 2005
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a Darwin award


 


 In most parts of the world, the switch away from Daylight Saving Time proceeds smoothly. But the time change raised havoc with Palestinian terrorists this year.


Israel insisted on a premature switch from Daylight Savings Time to Standard Time to accommodate a week of pre-sunrise prayers. Palestinians refused to live on "Zionist Time." Two weeks of scheduling havoc ensued. Nobody knew the "correct" time.


At precisely 5:30pm on Sunday, two coordinated car bombs exploded in different cities, killing three terrorists who were transporting the bombs. It was initially believed that the devices had been detonated prematurely by klutzy amateurs. A closer look revealed the truth behind the explosions.


The bombs had been prepared in a Palestine-controlled area, and set to detonate on Daylight Saving Time. But the confused drivers had already switched to Standard Time. When they picked up the bombs, they neglected to ask whose watch was used to set the timing mechanism. As a result, the cars were still en-route when the explosives detonated, delivering the terrorists to their untimely demises.



__________________
I aint no wide eyed rebel, but I aint no preachers son.
HaloBurn


Dad



Yarrr...



Status: Offline
Posts: 552
Date: Apr 18, 2005
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The best Darwin


The Arizona Highway Patrol were mystified when they came upon a pile of smoldering wreckage embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The metal debris resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it turned out to be the vaporized remains of an automobile. The make of the vehicle was unidentifiable at the scene.


The folks in the lab finally figured out what it was, and pieced together the events that led up to its demise.

It seems that a former Air Force sergeant had somehow got hold of a JATO (Jet Assisted Take-Off) unit. JATO units are solid fuel rockets used to give heavy military transport airplanes an extra push for take-off from short airfields.

Dried desert lakebeds are the location of choice for breaking the world ground vehicle speed record. The sergeant took the JATO unit into the Arizona desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to his car, jumped in, accelerated to a high speed, and fired off the rocket.

The facts, as best as could be determined, are as follows:

The operator was driving a 1967 Chevy Impala. He ignited the JATO unit approximately 3.9 miles from the crash site. This was established by the location of a prominently scorched and melted strip of asphalt. The vehicle quickly reached a speed of between 250 and 300 mph and continued at that speed, under full power, for an additional 20-25 seconds. The soon-to-be pilot experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog-fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners.

The Chevy remained on the straight highway for approximately 2.6 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied the brakes, completely melting them, blowing the tires, and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface. The vehicle then became airborne for an additional 1.3 miles, impacted the cliff face at a height of 125 feet, and left a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock.

Most of the driver's remains were not recovered; however, small fragments of bone, teeth, and hair were extracted from the crater, and fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.

Ironically a still-legible bumper sticker was found, reading
"How do you like my driving? Dial 1-800-EAT-SHIT."



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I aint no wide eyed rebel, but I aint no preachers son.
ddvmor


I am the Jammie King!




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Posts: 12736
Date: Apr 18, 2005
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Heh.  Nice.  Almost as good as squirting superglue into your mouth!

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The King has spoken... But nobody listened.
Susan


Tickle me, Elmo!

I'm Roger Moore's Stunt Double!



Status: Offline
Posts: 4936
Date: Apr 18, 2005
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Well, at least I made you smile.

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NateO


Vice JDK
and Man of the People




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Posts: 5453
Date: Apr 19, 2005
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So, how was it then, mate?

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NateO


Vice JDK
and Man of the People




Status: Offline
Posts: 5453
Date: Apr 19, 2005
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quote:
Originally posted by: Susan
"Hahahahaha! "The Darwin Awards salute the improvement of the human genome by honoring those who accidentally kill themselves in really stupid ways. Of necessity, this honor is generally bestowed posthumously.""

Here's another:


http://www.darwinawards.com/legends/legends1999-09.html




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