The following Dodgers have been smited by the JDK for their crimes against Jam:
All the girls! for picking on the JDK and damaging his already delicate self esteem!
The Basserd Who Nicked Copper's Stuff For the offense of nicking Copper's stuff. You are a tw*t, whoever you are and we all hope you get run over by a tram in Nottingham. Or Liverpool. Or whereever else they have trams!
Copper For the crime of playing with her Wii instead of her Jammie pals!
They have a combined weight of 83 stone and claim £22,000 in taxpayer-funded benefits on the basis they are ‘too fat to work’.
Yet, incredibly, X Factor flop Emma Chawner's family from Blackburn are demanding more money - because they still can’t afford their calorie-laden lifestyle.
Asked why they don’t simply go on a diet, the jobless Chawner family who are so obese their neighbours call them ‘the telly tubbies’ insist: ‘We don’t have the time.’
Emma, 19, famously appeared on the TV talent show in 2007 wearing a wedding-style dress made by her dad. She was kicked off after the first audition, but not before the family were evicted from their previous house after neighbours complained about her singing at 3am.
Both Philip Chawner, 53, and his 57-year-old wife Audrey weigh 24st. Their youngest daughter, Emma, is 5ft 3in and weighs 17st, while her older sister Samantha, 21, is 5ft 9in and weighs 18st.
They haven’t worked in 11 years, claiming their weight is due to a hereditary condition. Instead, the family spend their days in front of a television borrowed from a friend.
Mr Chawner said: ‘We love TV. It’s on from the moment we get up. Often I’m so tired from watching TV I have to have a nap.’
Yet of their £22,508 a year in tax-free benefits - equivalent to a £30,000 salary - Mr Chawner said: ‘What we get barely covers the bills and puts food on the table. It’s not our fault we can’t work. We deserve more.’
The family claim to spend £50 a week on food, including chocolate, chips and pies, and consume 3,000 calories each a day. The recommended maximum intake is 2,000 for women and 2,500 for men.
‘We have cereal for breakfast, bacon butties for lunch and microwave pies with mashed potato or chips for dinner,’ Mrs Chawner told Closer magazine.
‘We all love nibbling on biscuits. I once bought some pears, but they tasted funny.
‘All that healthy food, like fruit and veg, is too expensive. We’re fat because it’s in our genes. Our whole family is overweight.’
Emma, who would like to lose 6st, added: ‘We don’t have time to diet.’
Each week, Mr and Mrs Chawner, who have been married for 23 years, receive £177 in income support and incapacity benefit. Mrs Chawner is paid an extra £330-a-month disability allowance for epilepsy and asthma, both a result of being overweight.
Mr Chawner gets £71 a month after developing Type 2 diabetes because of his size. He was on a waiting list for a gastric band last year, but a heart condition made the operation unsuitable.
Samantha receives £84 in Jobseekers’ Allowance each fortnight while Emma, who is training to be a hairdresser, gets £58 every two weeks under a hardship fund for low-income students.
‘I’m a student and don’t have time to exercise,’ Emma said. ‘We all want to lose weight to stop the abuse we get in the street, but we don’t know how.’
As a special treat for Stead, here's a youtube clip of that X-Factor audition mentioned above!
"I once bought some pears, but they tasted funny. "
The rage - its building... building up in my head... must kill to release pressure - kill stupid stupid fat people... with a large lump of wood... with a nail in it...
__________________
I'll take arrogance and the inevitable hubris over self-doubt and lack of confidence.
"Everyone has a plan, until they get punched in the face" - Mike Tyson
Simon Cowell has just gone up slightly in my estimation, though I was rather shocked that he was so nice! Was it her that tried to sue X-factor for being fattist?
I would like some money for my genetic predisposition to consume too much chocolate please.
JonnyStead wrote:The rage - its building... building up in my head... must kill to release pressure - kill stupid stupid fat people... with a large lump of wood... with a nail in it...
apparently... there were two.. then there were four.
I don't mind people on public assistance or disability... if they actually need it. "Can't stop watching television and eating biscuits" does NOT count as a disability.
They're just trashy, and apparently proud of that fact.
As much as she makes me cringe, someone needs to send Gillian McKeith after them.
So, I have a plan. There is, apparently, a high rate of unemployement amongst ex-forces people. The government should employ them to put people like this though diet, exercise & general usefullness routines to turn them into functioning members of society.
I heard there were fast tracts of it in the middle that were empty. I'm sure if we try harder we can really fill it! In fact it will be easier to fill the space with immensely fat people!