Ok.  I want you all to participate in an experiment for me.

Now you may of may not have noticed a little bit of attention in the news to kids in the playground calling each other 'gay' as a taunt or insult.  This of course it completely unacceptable behaviour that I cannot possibly condone.  It does hark back somewhat to my svchooldays where we would call each other 'gaylord' or 'spaz' and so on.

So in these politically correct times, we must find an alternative to such patently unkind references.

I propose therefore, that we turn our attention to the cutlery drawer.  Now there is nothing in the cutlery drawer that could possibly take offence, or get upset if we use their name as an insult.  You can't hurt the feelings of a kitchen tool.  Similarly, the public at large has no preconceptions about items in the cutlery drawer.

So the challenge is this.  USe items in the cutlery drawere as an insult.

For example, the spatula is one of the most singularly pointless items in the drawer.  So by calling someone a spatula (or 'spatch', in it's highly amusing shortened form) you are indicating that they are, in fact a pointless, useless individual.

Similarly, calling someone a 'spoon' is clearly insulting.  Mostly because it sounds insulting.  Think of the fun you can have with 'fork'.

Anyway.  By using these insults around your friends, family and work colleagues, the plan is to introduce the concept of cutlery insults into the (inter)national conciousness.

Your measure of sucess is the number of times the people around you use these insults.  Even better - if someone you've never met before calls you a sptch or a spoon, you know you've made a valuable contribution to the world!