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Post Info TOPIC: Look! It's that RULES thread again!


I am the Jammie King!




Status: Offline
Posts: 12736
Date: Jan 27, 2004
Look! It's that RULES thread again!


This board is frequented by some of the greatest minds of our time. These rules have not been put together to ensure that the users of this board get the most out of it. These rules are purely for the sake of having rules. They should be ignored, disregarded and blatantly flouted at all times by all users!


1. This board is here to alleviate the boredom of itís users. Therefore, users should not post boring posts. All posts should be intelligent, witty, clever and most of all, interesting.


2. All posts must be gramatically rite and splt rite. Eny errores is mayd at the posterís risk and eny p*sstaking what occurs as a result of baad splling or grammer wot is rong is on yer own Ďead! Eny "punkchooation' queries, should be directed to Susan, hoo as a book, about it.


3. Every attempt should be made to engender cross-continental rivalry. Comparisons between spelling, foodstuffs, culture differences and word usage are positively encouraged Ė in fact consider it mandatory!


4. There is no Rule 4.


5. All users are required to make at least 10 posts per day. Alright 5. Ok, Iíll settle for 2Ö or one. Look just post whenever you like. I donít really care.


6. All users should purchase at least one packet of Jammie Dodgers per month. And Iíll be checking.


7. Any game rules set by Sketti must be adhered to strictly and to the letter. This of course means that if heís daft enough to leave a loophole, it should be exploited as flagrantly as possible by as many people as possible.


Thatís it. If I think of any more rules, Iíll be sure to post Ďem. Your comments on these rules are welcome, however I am likely to ignore them. Or mock them.



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The King has spoken... But nobody listened.
Joe


Ah Pity Da Foo!

Status: Offline
Posts: 602
Date: Jan 27, 2004
RE: THE RULES


Rules for posting - this place is turning into UA!!!

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What was i doing before i came here again?


I am the Jammie King!




Status: Offline
Posts: 12736
Date: Jan 27, 2004

Yeah!  And I made 'em sticky so's you 'as to keep on lookin' at em!  Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!



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The King has spoken... But nobody listened.


I ain't a Pirate and I ain't called Anne, but I sure am Bonnie!

(Mrs)





Status: Offline
Posts: 3266
Date: Jan 27, 2004

mmmh sticky like plum jam

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current location: Antrim. I like it.


I am the Jammie King!




Status: Offline
Posts: 12736
Date: Jan 27, 2004

Raspberry flavoured plum jam, I think you'll find.  (Just thought I'd get that in there before Sharon had a chance to!)




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Bored Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 39
Date: Jan 30, 2004

In a nutshell...as our own Darren said previously...


Quote:



THIS IS A PUBLIC SEARCHABLE FORUM.

DO NOT POST MESSAGES HERE THAT:

1) YOU WOULDN'T WANT YOUR MOTHER TO READ,
2) YOU WOULDN'T WANT YOUR 16 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER TO READ,
3) YOU WOULDN'T WANT YOUR 6 YEAR OLD TO READ.
4) WILL GET THE UTTERACCESS.COM SITE BLOCKED BY VARIOUS CORPORATE NET NANNIES.

Also please do not post "jokes" which have sadism/cruelty or ethnicity as their punch lines, especially since, if we wanted to read about such things, all we would have to do is buy a newspaper.






Also, please understand that any topics posted with the following three themes, even if they adhere to the other guidelines for posts in this forum, will be closely monitored and are subject to deletion without notice at the discretion of our moderators and administrators. So, if you post one of these themes, you know your risk. No need to be upset about an axed post if you know the risk ahead of time, no? <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

1) Politics
2) Religion


Highly controversial topics that usually become highly emotional amongst the debaters. Not all, but many, people are quite passionate about those topics and believe strongly in the end of the spectrum where they fall. There is no resolution to such a debate, but it can often be a learning experience for all involved.

However, the purpose of UtterAccess is technical support. Highly charged threads like political and religious debates must be tirelessly monitored. Sometimes they go well, and sometimes they become a huge, chaotic mess of negative emotional tirades and downright insults. Messes like that can have two undesirable effects. First, the moderators, who monitor and help here for free, are forced to devote time they could use answering technical questions to monitoring political/religious debates. And second, users who may otherwise find this site beneficial for technical support develop negative relationships with others that, without the debates, wouldn't have been there.

The chat forum is good for building community, blowing off steam and having a laugh, and getting to know one another a bit more personally, but controversial debates seldom contribute to those ends, either, in a community as large as ours.

So...in short, and objectively, those types of threads require an awful lot of investment and risk, while adding nothing to the primary purpose of this site. They are not innately bad, and they do have their place; it just doesn't happen to be here.

3) Sexual themes

One of the prime benefits many users find in UtterAccess is its acceptance by their workplaces as a corporate-approved support site (ŗ la this). Many users need to be able to access our site from work. Obviously, discussions about sex, regardless of where they fall on the risquť meter, could eventually undermine this and result in UA being banned from some workplaces or picked up by NetNanny or other filtering systems.

Thanks to all for your understanding and cooperation. If you want to post something and are not sure whether it's appropriate, feel free to find a site administrator or moderator and ask. We don't seek to discourage free expression here, but we are obligated to keep our chat posts as searchable and as appropriate as the posts in our other forums.

All in all, the chat forum is just a sidebar to our true purpose at UtterAccess (Access and other technical support! Of course!), so enjoy it, but please don't abuse it. If moderators have to spend too much time wading through controversial posts and putting out fires, that's less time spent doing meaningful, productive things like helping folks with Access questions. We love our chat forum, and we'd like to keep it around by keeping it "lovable." If you come across a post here that seems to be outside the guidelines, please click the "Notify Moderator" link to report it. Please do NOT add fuel to the fire by responding to any offensive posts. Don't be pulled in by flame bait!

Thanks, and enjoy! <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />





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Sketti


I am the Jammie King!




Status: Offline
Posts: 12736
Date: Jan 30, 2004

So what are you saying, Skett?  That I don't have enough rules?  That I should execute anyone who breaks them?


Maybe I should think up 50 more rules!  Anyone have any suggestions?



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The King has spoken... But nobody listened.


Bored Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 39
Date: Jan 30, 2004

New Rule Suggestion


No posting on the left side. All posters must post on the right side. I know this will be hard for the Brits but trust me this is the right thing to do.



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Sketti


I am the Jammie King!




Status: Offline
Posts: 12736
Date: Feb 2, 2004

Why is there this disparity over the correct side of the road.  As far as I know, it's only the UK and Oz that drive on the right side (i.e. left) and everyone else drives on the wrong side (i.e. right).  And why aren't there any roundabouts in the US?


Maybe I should post this in a new thread.  Nah.  That would mean posting some sort of rule about sticking to the topic at hand which, quite frankly ain't why we're here is it?


NEW RULE!!!!  Special prize (in my mind, anyway) for the most innovative Thread Hijack!  Do it.  You know you want to!



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The King has spoken... But nobody listened.


Tickle me, Elmo!

I'm Roger Moore's Stunt Double!



Status: Offline
Posts: 4936
Date: Feb 2, 2004

Hey DD, the dodger spinneth for me!  I am enlightened.


I have also found Nemo!  clap


Oh, the joys of XP. 



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Don't you just love it?


"I'm Lois!"


Status: Offline
Posts: 4979
Date: Feb 3, 2004

I'm not sure why roundabouts never caught on in the US - but then we dont have four-way "psycho" junctions either - I think its coz they build all their cities in squares or maybe its to save tyre wear -


As for driving on the right or left - you save fuel if you drive on the left.......



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I'll take arrogance and the inevitable hubris over self-doubt and lack of confidence.

"Everyone has a plan, until they get punched in the face" - Mike Tyson



I am the Jammie King!




Status: Offline
Posts: 12736
Date: Feb 3, 2004

Those members that are unfamiliar with the roundabout phenonmenon can see a simple example here.  More advanced members may want to check out this amazing example of road design genius in Swindon! 


Anyone who has driven through Swindon will be smiling and nodding about now!



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The King has spoken... But nobody listened.


Tickle me, Elmo!

I'm Roger Moore's Stunt Double!



Status: Offline
Posts: 4936
Date: Feb 4, 2004

Almost as bad as Milton Keynes!  Boy can they do roundabouts. 


Not a house in sight, just cars going endlessly round and round and round.



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Don't you just love it?


I am the Jammie King!




Status: Offline
Posts: 12736
Date: Feb 4, 2004

He he!  Look at the sheer number of roundabouts in Milton Keynes.  It's amazing!

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The King has spoken... But nobody listened.


Bored Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 39
Date: Feb 6, 2004

----Post Driveby---


Darren there are roundabouts in the USA. See http://www.roundaboutsusa.com/. Also, some Americans do drive on the left side of the raod. We call them drunks though. You & the wife have a great weekend.



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Sketti


I am the Jammie King!




Status: Offline
Posts: 12736
Date: Feb 7, 2004

"Bill Baranowski has designed 43 roundabouts constructed since 1993."


43.  That's incredible.  I can imagine his brainstorming sessions:  "Now this is my 43rd roundabout and I want it to be something special.  I know, I'll make it round!"



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The King has spoken... But nobody listened.


I ain't a Pirate and I ain't called Anne, but I sure am Bonnie!

(Mrs)





Status: Offline
Posts: 3266
Date: Feb 7, 2004

ohhhh, so many roundabouts..


however is he counting this http://www.roundaboutsusa.com/images/bikepost.jpg as one? .. i think he's cheating..


i used to live near asheville (where this picture was taken) and i did have the pleasure of nearly dieing on a roundabout near the university as my chauffeur () wasnt really all that used to the whole roundabout thinnnnng..


ahh, roundabouts, i could talk all day about them



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current location: Antrim. I like it.


I am the Jammie King!




Status: Offline
Posts: 12736
Date: Feb 7, 2004

Well that is an interesting, erm, erection (), however I don't think it can be classed as as a roundabout.  Unless, of course people find themselves driving round it in circles all the time!

__________________
The King has spoken... But nobody listened.


I ain't a Pirate and I ain't called Anne, but I sure am Bonnie!

(Mrs)





Status: Offline
Posts: 3266
Date: Feb 7, 2004
RE: THE RULES (and traffic management)


<whine> daaaaareeeeeeeeen cannnn i beeee and admiiiinistraaator tooooooooo, soooo i caaaaan channnnge thinnnngs like the tiiiitle of the poooooOOOOOssstssss? </whine>

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current location: Antrim. I like it.


I am the Jammie King!




Status: Offline
Posts: 12736
Date: Feb 7, 2004

What's it worth?

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The King has spoken... But nobody listened.


I ain't a Pirate and I ain't called Anne, but I sure am Bonnie!

(Mrs)





Status: Offline
Posts: 3266
Date: Feb 7, 2004

<whine> iiiii''llllllllllllll sttttooooooooooooopppp whhhiiiinnnninngggggg ANNNNDDDDD i'lll seeeeeeenddd you annnn undiiiiiiscllooosseeddd nuummmbbberrrr offf jammmmmmmiiiieee doooodgeerrrssssss AND I'LLL SAYYY A NIIICCEE THHHINNNG ABOOUUT YOU EEVVERRY DAAAY </whine>




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current location: Antrim. I like it.


I am the Jammie King!




Status: Offline
Posts: 12736
Date: Feb 8, 2004

Not sure I followed that...

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I am the Jammie King!




Status: Offline
Posts: 12736
Date: Feb 12, 2004
RE: THE RULES (and free Mars Bars)


Hah!  Made ya look!


(Katie's hilarious edited comments have been removed and replaced with something infinitely funnier......NOTHING!!!!


I dunno, you give someone your respect and trust and what do they do?  Katie - get your man to give you a good spanking.  You a BAD girl, Missy!


Never catch me doing anything like that, oh no....)



__________________
The King has spoken... But nobody listened.


Baaaaa.
No, really - Just Baaaaa.


Status: Offline
Posts: 1561
Date: Feb 12, 2004

Where did all these mars bars come from?

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Argh Snake.
Joe


Ah Pity Da Foo!

Status: Offline
Posts: 602
Date: Feb 13, 2004

Thats what you get when you send Darren out to do the weekly shopping - Jammie Dodgers and Mars Bars

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What was i doing before i came here again?


I am the Jammie King!




Status: Offline
Posts: 12736
Date: Feb 13, 2004

Yeah.  Mars Bars are great.  (Darren closes his eyes and sighs in anticipation of the Mars Big One waiting for him at lunchtime)


Mmmmmmmmmmm......



__________________
The King has spoken... But nobody listened.


Tickle me, Elmo!

I'm Roger Moore's Stunt Double!



Status: Offline
Posts: 4936
Date: Feb 14, 2004

You forgot to mention the big bag of Flaming Hot Monster Munch.
(And that followed a HUGE bacon & sausage bun with brown sauce washed down with a large mug of tea.)


I wonder how you remain so extraordinarily svelte!



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Don't you just love it?


Baaaaa.
No, really - Just Baaaaa.


Status: Offline
Posts: 1561
Date: Feb 16, 2004
RE: THE RULES (and naughty, bad Mars Bars)


Well, all this talk about Mars Bars is very naughty - Darren - you need to lose a few pounds - no more Mars Bars or JDs for you my friend.  Rabbit food only from now on.


 


I think we should all try the jogging on the spot during the advert breaks thing - it makes the advert breaks pass more quickly and leaves you feeling really quite puffed out.  I'm sure it is better for us than sitting on the sofa trying to ignore the extremely bad advertisements that seem to find their way onto our television screens.



__________________
Argh Snake.


I am the Jammie King!




Status: Offline
Posts: 12736
Date: Feb 16, 2004

What about when you've videoed something and you fast forward through the adverts?  Does that mean you have to sprint on the spot during them?

__________________
The King has spoken... But nobody listened.


Baaaaa.
No, really - Just Baaaaa.


Status: Offline
Posts: 1561
Date: Feb 16, 2004

No der brain.  You don't fast forward through the adverts - the point is that you use the time efficiently to excerise more than just your fast forwarding finger.


Dip Stick!!



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