The following Dodgers have been smited by the JDK for their crimes against Jam:
All the girls! for picking on the JDK and damaging his already delicate self esteem!
The Basserd Who Nicked Copper's Stuff For the offense of nicking Copper's stuff. You are a tw*t, whoever you are and we all hope you get run over by a tram in Nottingham. Or Liverpool. Or whereever else they have trams!
Copper For the crime of playing with her Wii instead of her Jammie pals!
Sponges. What the hell is it with sodding sponges? Particularly in relation to (but not limited to) washing-up activities. Everyone I know seems to use these stupid objects for their washing up:
All they seem to do is absorb soap and glide almost frictionlessly (I decree that this IS a real word) over the plate, making the simplest of washing up chores a pain in the sodding @rse! And the fact that the euphamistically named 'scouring' side is microscopically thin means that any attempt to use it to shift food waste from plates is ultimately futile as it would rather disintegrate than clean off a bit of gravy.
My own washing up utensils of choice are a simple dishcloth and a scouring pad.
It is a grand time of year to have a birthday! Used to work with a guy who was two days younger than me, also quite spooky. And I share my birthday with someone else who was on my degree course, my mate's old landlord & probably some famous people.
You are rubbisher and slighly less intelligent than the girls that are rubbish and slightly less intelligent than men. And Shadow only hangs arouns out of sympathy. Rich is being paid. And your parents don't love you. And, er... I arranged for the bus to be more sickening than normal this morning. And the annoying person in your office is in my employ and has specific instructions form me to be extra specially annoying today.