The following Dodgers have been smited by the JDK for their crimes against Jam:
All the girls! for picking on the JDK and damaging his already delicate self esteem!
The Basserd Who Nicked Copper's Stuff For the offense of nicking Copper's stuff. You are a tw*t, whoever you are and we all hope you get run over by a tram in Nottingham. Or Liverpool. Or whereever else they have trams!
Copper For the crime of playing with her Wii instead of her Jammie pals!
...was clearly bored today. She sent me three (yes, three!) joke e-mails.I thought it only right that you suffer with me:
Forget your problems and read how others put their thoughts into words ,
these are genuine clips from council complaint letters.
3. It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.
4. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
5. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle, very badly, when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
6. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
7. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.
8. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
9. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
10. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it, yesterday, and now she is pregnant.
11. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
12. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy..
13. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
14. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
15. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
16. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.. 17. I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.
18. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
19. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.
20. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
21. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
22. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times, but I still have no satisfaction.
23. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.
Yes, yes. I fully appreciate that numbers one and two are missing from this list. I have no idea where they are and porpose a complaint letter to the council on the subject. What? Of course they're genuine.
Next are some pictures of various accidents. I edited out some of the more rubbish ones. These are the less rubbish ones:
I have to say that I do find the McBurnt one quite ironic...
The final one had, like 30 hilarious pictures attached to it. Only a few of them were actually funny. I decided that y'all didn't deserve funny (for some unspecified and probably imagined transgression. Your King is grumpy today!) so you get these ones instead:
