The following Dodgers have been smited by the JDK for their crimes against Jam:
All the girls! for picking on the JDK and damaging his already delicate self esteem!
The Basserd Who Nicked Copper's Stuff For the offense of nicking Copper's stuff. You are a tw*t, whoever you are and we all hope you get run over by a tram in Nottingham. Or Liverpool. Or whereever else they have trams!
Copper For the crime of playing with her Wii instead of her Jammie pals!
I am never clumsy, I don't fall over, I don't break things, I don't lose things. I do everything well.
Except this week it seems.
On Monday, I fell down the stairs, landed on my cocix (not broken, but bruised enough to hurt when I sit down) and bashed my kidneys on the next step up - so I have been stiff, and in pain since then.
Today, I fell over. I tripped over nothing and fell. I landed on my left knee and my right elbow(interesting I know!!). My right elbow is now bloody & raw (though not seriously hurt). I'm a bit worried about my knee though. It has swelled up HUGELY and gone all bruised and I can only feel half my knee cap - does anyone think this is something to worry about?
I can walk and bend my leg and stuff so I don't think there's anything desperately worng, but now I know how old people feel - it hurts my bottom when I sit, my kidneys more or less all the time, my elbow is throbbing and my poor knee is well and truly knacked.
Might be phoning NHS Direct again eh?!!
(oh yes, the aforementioned hamstring injury was not as a result of clumsyness on my part - I did it without knowing whilst I was removing top soil from a friend's garden).
Yikes! Hitting Grandpa's cough syrup again then Vic?
quote:
Originally posted by: VicM It has swelled up HUGELY and gone all bruised and I can only feel half my knee cap - does anyone think this is something to worry about?
Hmmm, could be for the better! Might give it a day, throw some ice on it. If it falls off, then I'd be concerned.
I'd get the knee checked out, I had fluid on mine once & that all swelled up, had to sit with it up for a week. Literally only allowed to move between sofa & bed & loo! Had to be waited on hand & foot!
We'll see what it looks like in the morning. if it's not good - stright to casualty with her!
Honestly - I go out for an evening and leave her unsupervised and look what happens.
I've fallen down our stairs 3 times in the last 12 months (yes, I am that clumsy) and I've never landed on my cocix (is that how you spell it... I almost care). Left a big black Kingly mark on the wall at the foot of the stairs, though.
Vic's knee looked much better this morning, but we'll see what it loos like when she gets home - she'll have been walking around on it all day!
The stairs are perfectly normal. They go up and down in the usual way. The problem lies in imy inability to navigate them safely. When I say 3 times, I'm only counting the times I've actually allen on my arse and tumbled to the bottem. I've missed more steps than I can count - at least once for each step - and miraculously maintained my vertical state.... more or less. I'm just damn clumsy. Don't even need to be drunk.
I think your steps do go 12% up more than down though - they are not properly balanced - I havent notice you be clumsy though - but I have heard Vic say "Ow" several times when she's been in the kitchen cookin me my tea!!!!! hoorah for Vic - hope your knee is betterer to day like!
Your stairs are bent and narrow
Going down them was not meant to harrow (good eh!)
You fell on your bum
Now the worst has been done
But the king will cook you a marrow......
God thats awful......
__________________
I'll take arrogance and the inevitable hubris over self-doubt and lack of confidence.
"Everyone has a plan, until they get punched in the face" - Mike Tyson
One of the managers in marketing sent an e-mail round today saying, "Sorry, no cakes today, but I have a selection of marrows on my desk if you want to come and help yourselves to some - I grew too many".
On the down side, my knee is no better and I appear to have pulled every muscle in my body in my sliding accross the floor after falling over episode. I have FAB carpet burns on my elbow - boy do they sting!
I think I've chipped my knee cap, although I can walk ok, it feels like there's something sharp in there digging into my skin from the inside. Also, I crossed my legs without thinking today, and when my right leg touched my left knee (the bad one) the pain was so bad I thought I was going to vomit. ANyway, I've decided to give it the weekend (since it's not stopping walking and all) but if it's still this painful on Monday, I'll go to the doctor or something. I was gonna show it to my friend on Sunday (she's a doctor) but she's away this weekend. BUM.
Well we persuaded Norman... er... Vic to let us take her to Casualty to get her knee looked at by someone who knew a bit about medical stuff.
After Stead and I gave blood (which is a story best told by him, I feel), we ganged up on Vic and forced her to accompany us to Frenchay Hospital.
Despite the fact that she's been walking around with no problems - the pain only comes when she touches it, or breathes or something - they insisted uopn confining her to a wheelchair (oh, I pointed and laughed, I did) and I had to push her to the x-ray department.
Whilst Vic had her knee x-rayed, I looked at the posters on the wall and Discovered that There is something called Nuclear Medicine, which sounds really cool! Learn sumfink noo every day, I does.
Anyway, it turns out that vic's knee is not cracked or chipped as she feared, but is just swollen and sore - It'll ge better as the fluid goes away. The nurse gave us a nice medical sounding explanation for the 'crunchiness' (Although the triage nurse described it as 'crackling' and the casualty nurse said it was 'creaking' - they're medical professionals, they should know!) of the kneecap, which was nice, but left us none the wiser.
Well a wonderful evening was had by all. We got to chuckle about the rough looking girl with an eyepatch who was brought in cuffed to a pair of lady coppers (and had fun trying to guess which of the two coppers was the bitch and which was the butch one). Oh yeah... and there were so many dodgy people around, we felt really posh. Even Stead.
I have to say that the Stead was instrumental in persuading Vic to go to the hospital. Not only that, but he gave up a perfectly good evening and came with us.
Thanks Dude. You da man.
Now tell the nice people about your bloodletting experience.
Oh yeah, and tell me what you want me to cook you as a thank you for spending AGES in casualty with me last night. (D just looked over my sholder as I was typing 'thank you for spending...' and he giggled and said I should type 'thank you for spendng the night with me' - see what I mean about the husband who doesn't get jealous or funny AT ALL about that sort of thing!!).
For years I have been told by the Doctors that I was too cool and too damn sexy to give blood. They didnt want there to be a risk of cross-contamination with square/ugly people resulting in every molecule in their body blowing apart at the speed of light.... ya da ya da... actually i was just not heavy enough.
But now I am! and the JDK emailed on Friday and said "Stead, here's a good idea why dont we go to the community centre and get stabbed by some numpty with only rudermentry skills with a needle and allow our lifes blood to be drained away - with the certain reward of a manky bicky at the end of it"
I wasnt keen - but felt guilty so off we went. The scene was set - numpty's everywhere, forms to fill in and 2!!!! needles (something about an iron test) followed by a lie down on a bed with a nice lady...... looking after me - and the job was done. I did protest and say I would never do it again - but I probably will as long as "I used to be an ex-boxer, I've done 75 of these, I was in the army AND I was the first man on Mars" bloke isnt there..... tit.
So there you go. Not that exciting really was it - but the funny thing was they had posters up saying "Do something REALLY amazing and give bone marrow" - what will they want next? my Fecking KIDNEYS?
__________________
I'll take arrogance and the inevitable hubris over self-doubt and lack of confidence.
"Everyone has a plan, until they get punched in the face" - Mike Tyson
