The JDK's Tea Rant

ddvmor · **I am the Jammie King!**

The JDK's Tea Rant

Susan · Tickle me, Elmo! I'm Roger Moore's Stunt Double!

It's ok Darren, deep breaths, clam(!) down. With any luck I'll be back in on Tuesday and then we can go on our tea run and I'll buy you a cup of tea and you can buy me a cup of tea and everything will be back as it should be.

JonnyStead · **"I'm Lois!"**

Good points though and well made. Tea is an infusion of tea leaves like dandelion & arsebiscuit and all that other crap the lovies drink are infusions but WITHOUT THE TEA part.

Damn your rant made me angry - I'm going out to beat the crap out of a squirrel and scare a kitten... f*****g squirrels... f******g kittens...

sharkjf115 · **Professional Cheese Hater**

Are you saying therefore that Stephen Fry should be horsewhipped for his irritating Twinnings adverts too then.

Really when all is said and done we should blame him to be honest.

JonnyStead · **"I'm Lois!"**

sharkjf115 wrote:

Are you saying therefore that Stephen Fry should be horsewhipped for his irritating Twinnings adverts too then.

Really when all is said and done we should blame him to be honest.

Um, no because he is advertising tea - breakfast tea normally I think - and I drink that in the posh hotels I stay in. And it tastes like doo doo so I've started taking PG Tips

ddvmor · **I am the Jammie King!**

As opposed to proper tea bags like the ones I favour...

sha76jam · Cpt Acorn Short of An Oaktree

I drink various teas, none of which contain the leaves picked from tea bushes. They do however say tea on the box, which is good enough for me.

Also, please see definition #5 from dictionary.com:

1.
the dried and prepared leaves of a shrub, Camellia sinensis, from which a somewhat bitter, aromatic beverage is prepared by infusion in hot water.

2.
the shrub itself, extensively cultivated in China, Japan, India, etc., and having fragrant white flowers. Compare tea family.

3.
the beverage so prepared, served hot or iced.

4.
any kind of leaves, flowers, etc., so used, or any plant yielding them.

5.
any of various infusions prepared from the leaves, flowers, etc., of other plants, and used as beverages or medicines.

6.
beef bouillon.

7.
British. any meal, whether a light snack or one consisting of several courses, eaten in the late afternoon or in the evening; any meal other than dinner, eaten after the middle of the afternoon.

8.
an afternoon reception at which tea is served.

9.
Slang. marijuana. —Idiom

10.
one's cup of tea, something suitable, appropriate, or attractive to one: Horror movies and westerns are just not my cup of tea.

JonnyStead · **"I'm Lois!"**

ddvmor wrote:

As opposed to proper tea bags like the ones I favour...

Pffff, majority rule mate and not many people buy those namby pamby northern ones that you do. But you're right they are also fine - though you dont complain about the tea I make you.

ddvmor · **I am the Jammie King!**

Shaz - Dictionary.com can't be expected to know squat about something as institutionally British as tea on account of it being run by Americans who don't know squat about something as institutionally British as tea. My point still stands - if we're gonna call something that isn't tea, tea then we may as well call everything tea.

Stead - your tea is shit, but I don't say owt because you might cry like a girl (with pink ribbons in her hair and little dress and a pretty little barbie doll...).

Short Santa · **For entertainment purposes only!**

To be fair, i think #6 rather proves Stead's point - how can Beef Bouillon be called tea?

If I popped round my Mum's (or Sister's) for a cup of tea and was served beef soup I'd get her locked up

Stead's point? darn it, it was the JDK all along

-- Edited by Short Santa at 22:55, 2007-01-14

ddvmor · **I am the Jammie King!**

Apparently though, we're supposed to drink 8 glasses of gravy a day... or is that water? I forget...

HaloBurn · **Dad** Yarrr...

not getting the beef gravy eh

I'm using tea granules at the moment cause I can't be bothered with soggy tea bags, is that lazy?

ddvmor · **I am the Jammie King!**

Yes. I'm not sure the time savings are significant enough to justify it. Not only is it a bit lazy but it's also wrong. 12 kinds of wrong. Possibly more, but I stopped counting at 12.

JonnyStead · **"I'm Lois!"**

I made it to 8 but either way thats lots of wrong.

Nothing is easier than using tea bags surely?

bonniepirateanne · Date: Jan 15, 2007

ahh a subject close to my heart (yes, i carry tea bags around in my shirt pocket

)

anyway, i, rather unusually, agree entirely with the jdk and steadman.. about tea, gravy, granules and little girls crying

i'd consider myself a relatively hardcore straight up normal-tea drinker *ahem* so getting used to drinking it cold, with ice and sugar even took me a few years.. i'm there though (as long as think of it as not tea at all)

ddvmor · **I am the Jammie King!**

Carrying teabags in your shirt pocket is all fine and dandy until it rains. Unless you're wearing a brown shirt, that is!

JonnyStead · **"I'm Lois!"**

We ran a marketing campaign once where we posted a tea bag to our customer and said "Have a cuppa on us while you call for an insurance quote" - nice idea (well tacky really) only there was one problem. We didnt wrap the bag in plastic so when it rained and the envelope got wet with the postman, the tea leaked out of the bag and stained peoples carpets. We werent popular. We suck.

HaloBurn · **Dad** Yarrr...

lol I'm tempted to say that the only phone calls your company got were for an entirely different kind of insurance quote!

Anyway I noticed that I have been making tea for my wife using bags (decaf tea) and using granuals for my own tea, does that make me 50% lazy??

ddvmor · **I am the Jammie King!**

Actually, this:

(decaf tea)

makes you sick and deranged (my mother uses decaf teabags and they make a vile cuppa); whilst this:

using granuals for my own tea

is just kinda silly considering you have the bags out already...

-- Edited by ddvmor at 12:22, 2007-01-16

sharkjf115 · **Professional Cheese Hater**

Not that I have lost all my marbles you understand. My rant about steven fry was in the new advert he is advertising those fruit infusion things as tea.

That's what made me go grrrr.

As for granules of tea? They suck, but not as much as decaf tea. Simply evil stuff.

We even got a petition at work so we could have PG Tips instead of some cheapy stuff.

HaloBurn · **Dad** Yarrr...

Ok think I had better clear things up a little

1. Regarding decaf my wife is pregnant and therefore watching her caffine intake, so while I and she would agree with all the comments - it's better than her having no tea at all!

2. I have no excuse for using granuals - except in a stange way I have grown to like them I only started on them because they were all that was available that wasn't decaf.

bonniepirateanne · Date: Jan 16, 2007

halo.. where you live.. you can't buy non-decaf teabags... now come come, are you telling the truth?

ddvmor · **I am the Jammie King!**

I suspect he may only be telling a half truth and that his post should have read something like this:

I have no excuse for using granules - except in a strange way I have *developed an immunity to their foul taste and odd gritty texture*. I only started on them because *I couldn't be arsed to go and buy some real teabags*.

Halo - you do know that they make tea granules out of dried vomit and sawdust, don't you?

Problem is... every time I see this thread I have a tea craving... I'm off to the canteen...

-- Edited by ddvmor at 13:13, 2007-01-16

bonniepirateanne · Date: Jan 16, 2007

i've taken to making a pot of tea and pouring two cups .. both for myself..

this is because if i drink one then fancy another - the second cup is always a bit stewed when i pour it outta the pot, this way, i just drink them both at the same time and they are perfect!

sharkjf115 · **Professional Cheese Hater**

somone made a tea for me at work the other day. He put sugar in it. Now to be honest he may well have just peed in it.

I also have a friend who barely introduces the bag to the water before removing it and adds half a cups worth of milk with a sugar.

That's not a cup of tea, its warm milky water with sugar.

Double grrrrr

ddvmor · **I am the Jammie King!**

sharkjf115 wrote:
somone made a tea for me at work the other day. He put sugar in it.

That is frankly criminal. We must hunt him down like a dog!

sharkjf115 wrote:
I also have a friend who barely introduces the bag to the water before removing it...

It's not one of my parents is it?

Here's another tea related thing that really p*sses me off:

When you go into a cafe or canteen these days, the hot beverages are produced with the aid of a coffee machine thing like this:

So you go in and you get charged about £1.20 and what do you get in return for your hard earned cash? I'll tell you shall I? You get a paper cup with a teabag in it onto which they have poured water which, due to health and safety regulations cannot be more than sixty degrees in case someone scalds themself on it.

1. Tea should be made with water that is as close to boiling as you can get it. That's how you get all of the tasty tea goodness out of the tea-leaves. 60 degrees is quite a long way from boiling. Can't argue with tea science.

2. I've just paid a bloody fortune for a cup of tea. The least the basserds could do is actually make it for me instead of just handing me the component parts. It's like going into Burger King, asking for a burger and being given a couple of bits of bread and a beef patty and being told to make it myself.

I hate them all.

-- Edited by ddvmor at 08:09, 2007-01-19

bonniepirateanne · Date: Jan 19, 2007

ohhh yes, this irks me too - i don't like coffee but i really really begrudge paying a shop the same amount for a crap cup of tea i could pay for a box of 160 bags!

sha76jam · Cpt Acorn Short of An Oaktree

For years all you had in this country was tea shops & while you tea drinkers got a nicely brewed pot of char all us coffee drinkers got was a dodgy cup of lukewarm Nescafe, if we were lucky. We now have coffee shops & at last we can get decent cups of fresh coffee, made from freshly ground beans (&, incidently, often steam, which is by definition at 100 degrees C). We don't force you to drink in them you know.

bonniepirateanne · Date: Jan 19, 2007

don't get me wrong, i fully respect the rise of the coffee empires - and indeed, i've never liked tea in any establishment anywhere - be it a posh hotel or a old timey cafe.. nobody seems to be able to make it just the way i like it (*alert* tea snob in the house *alert*)

i go in, because i'm usually forced, arm behind my back, by kingbilly

ddvmor · **I am the Jammie King!**

sha76jam wrote:
(&, incidently, often steam, which is by definition at 100 degrees C).

I don't think you'll find that the 'steam' that you see in coffee shops is actually steam on account of steam being a clear gas. What you are referring to is water vapour... which by definition isn't at 100 degrees c on account of it being in a suspended liquid state.

Er.

So there.