The following Dodgers have been smited by the JDK for their crimes against Jam:
All the girls! for picking on the JDK and damaging his already delicate self esteem!
The Basserd Who Nicked Copper's Stuff For the offense of nicking Copper's stuff. You are a tw*t, whoever you are and we all hope you get run over by a tram in Nottingham. Or Liverpool. Or whereever else they have trams!
Copper For the crime of playing with her Wii instead of her Jammie pals!
Twas the last working day before Christmas And all though the office Nothing was stirring, Not even a... er... novice...
Poor attempts at rewriting traditional Christmas verses aside, I was sitting in my office minding my own business this morning, when in walked Santa. It was odd really, beacuse he was looking quite gaunt and his suit was somewhat grubby. Anyway, in he wandered and without a word, down he sat at one of the desks and proceeded to log onto a PC.
Now I'm pretty sure I would have noticed if my team had employed Santa, so I suspected one of two things:
1. That Santa was some sort of master criminal who, when not breaking into small children's bedrooms in the dead of night, used his chimney entry talents to break into offices and steal their data for onward sale to nigerian fraudsters; or
2. Convincing though his disguise was, this was not, in fact, Santa and was, instead, an imposter! (Did you like all the commas there?)
Using my honed investigative skills and some very clever detective work, I established that the Santa imposter was in fact one of our managers who had come to work dressed as Santa for some undisclosed purpose.
'I thought I'd do it for a laugh' he said. Unfortunately, he underestimated the uninterested grunting abilities of his team mates, who all grunted uninterestedly and got on with their work.
Eventually, and with some disgust, he changed back into his normal work wear.