The following Dodgers have been smited by the JDK for their crimes against Jam:
All the girls! for picking on the JDK and damaging his already delicate self esteem!
The Basserd Who Nicked Copper's Stuff For the offense of nicking Copper's stuff. You are a tw*t, whoever you are and we all hope you get run over by a tram in Nottingham. Or Liverpool. Or whereever else they have trams!
Copper For the crime of playing with her Wii instead of her Jammie pals!
The Groomsmen are in kilts The Bridesmaids are in some sort of flannel monstrosity They serve Kokanee or Labatt Blue for the toast The first dance is to Bryan Adams "Everything I do" At least two of the groomsmen are named Gordon You walk down the aisle to some celtic song that your grandfather is humming along with Its 2 degrees Celsius out...in August...and that doesn't seem strange You have "serviettes" at the cocktail hour with the happy couples named printed in a maple leaf Your grandfather brings his own case of Molson to the reception, you know, in case they run out There were heated family discussions over which family's tartan would be used as table clothes The only person not old enough to drink is your 4 year old cousin Your wedding cake has maple flavored frosting There is a separate valet for ski-doos Your wedding invitations have French on one side People are tailgating outside the church before the wedding Consequently, you know why there are at least a dozen people with red fingers at the wedding You bought your bridal shoes at The Bay Your grandmother comments that she should have made a "Trifle" for the wedding cake There are bottles of HP Sauce on the dinner tables As a side dish, they serve Poutine You had trouble deciding between chicken and moose There is a piper at your wedding...who inevitably drinks too much and passes out at the reception There is karaoke at the reception It is no surprise that there is an inordinate amount of Bare Naked Ladies songs in the playbook Your grandmother is all a tither because she can't understand why they aren't serving sherry at the dinner tables There is a coat AND boot check at the reception You hand out wedding "favours" Those "favours" might just be gift bags of Tim Hortons You are well aware that most of the men in the room have Canucks jerseys under their suits...the game starts at 8 You are going to Disneyland for your honeymoon, you've heard that California is very exotic