The following Dodgers have been smited by the JDK for their crimes against Jam:
All the girls! for picking on the JDK and damaging his already delicate self esteem!
The Basserd Who Nicked Copper's Stuff For the offense of nicking Copper's stuff. You are a tw*t, whoever you are and we all hope you get run over by a tram in Nottingham. Or Liverpool. Or whereever else they have trams!
Copper For the crime of playing with her Wii instead of her Jammie pals!
Many years ago, in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Coca-Cola was originally green.. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It is impossible to lick your elbow.. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...) The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38% ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades - King David Hearts - Charlemagne Clubs -Alexander, the Great Diamonds - Julius Caesar ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes. ~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Only two people signed the Declaration ofIndependenceon July 4th, John Hancock andCharlesThomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what? A. Their birthplace ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested? A. Obsession ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"? A. One thousand ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common? A. All invented by women. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil? A. Honey ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year? A. Father's Day ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... "goodnight, sleep tight." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month ... which we know today as the honeymoon. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them "Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down." It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice. ~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~~~~~~~~ At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.
and one more thing.. what better reason than being bored.. i remember another thread once being started with a very similar title.. let's not talk about that tho
well if you, me and darren didn't try to lick our elbows.. that means that only three more people on this bored ('bored' .. teehee) will read that and not try it.. let's seeee... (presuming all 27 registered members were to read it.. oh and those guests dont)
quote: Originally posted by: bonniepirateanne "well if you, me and darren didn't try to lick our elbows.. that means that only three more people on this bored ('bored' .. teehee) will read that and not try it.. let's seeee... (presuming all 27 registered members were to read it.. oh and those guests dont)"
Good move Nucker - I missed the joke like I miss everything going down on UA.
But I didn't try to lick my elbow either. Are we all just too intelligent to form part of the popular masses on which this kinda stuff is usually based?
I think that you are right sooty, the average intelligence of the bored board means that we are less likely to fall for those silly little mind thingies, our brains are on a higher plane, while we contemplate such weighty matters as the perfect method for brewing a decent cup of tea and... erm other important matters