The following Dodgers have been smited by the JDK for their crimes against Jam:
All the girls! for picking on the JDK and damaging his already delicate self esteem!
The Basserd Who Nicked Copper's Stuff For the offense of nicking Copper's stuff. You are a tw*t, whoever you are and we all hope you get run over by a tram in Nottingham. Or Liverpool. Or whereever else they have trams!
Copper For the crime of playing with her Wii instead of her Jammie pals!
I remember a song my folks used to like in the 70's, the only thing I really remember about it was the chorus, something like... "Now you're not there, Now you're not there Now you're not there". It also sounded kinda sad. Anyone ANY ideas what Im on about, Ive been trying to remember what it was for ages now!
Hmmm, I was thinking of the classic tune by Cracker:
CHORUS: I say baby, it ain't gonna suck itself Virgin Records, it ain't gonna suck itself I say baby, it ain't gonna suck itself What you waiting for? It ain't gonna suck itself
Well I flew out from Virginie on the very first day I heard my record company exercise my pay to play Went to see Mr. Lott but his assistant said no (Brandy) Security will escort you to the parking lot It was 102 degrees I was feeling kind of hot So I walked across the street for one of those Mexican frozen popsicles Couldn't buy just one so I bought myself a box When I come back the assistant she's standing in the parking lot
No hard feelings do you want one of these? But she looks at me like I was speaking Chinese The security man walks up he helps himself to one Coincidently Chinese and hot from standing in the sun Then he helps himself to another he puts it in her hand But she looks at it like it was a piece of crap Or a dead and dying bird she didn't understand So I was just trying to be helpful when I said...
CHORUS: Baby, it ain't gonna suck itself Oh Virgin Records, it ain't gonna suck itself (Brandy) I beg to differ cousin, it should be, it ain't gonna lick itself I do believe you're right cousin: It ain't gonna lick itself
Well I'm standing in the parking lot waiting on my ride His name is Jackson Haring and he's still inside He went in through mailroom for some record company swag But this Virgin Records there ain't **** to be had And the halls they was empty because everyone was laid off And he took a wrong turn ends up in the tape vault Only one thing to do when you’re standing face to face With the Sticky Fingers, Let It Be master tapes
You've got to stick them in the satchel and head on the down the hall Saying these will go nicely with that Residents eyeball Many years ago while working for Bill Graham Presents A prop eyeball was stolen backstage from The Residents And the rumor went around that Jackson was the thief But that's neither here nor there and I was sitting in the jeep Looking at the Sticky Fingers master tapes My popsicle’s dripping on the seat so I throw it out the window - it lands at the feet of Roy Lott
CHORUS: Hey Roy, it ain't gonna suck itself Ah Virgin Records, it ain't gonna suck itself And one time for the ladies, It ain't gonna lick itself Ah Virgin Records, it ain't gonna suck itself
CHORUS: Baby, it ain't gonna suck itself Everyone at Virgin Records, it ain't gonna suck itself One for the ladies, it ain't gonna lick itself What you waiting for, it ain't gonna suck itself
CHORUS: Mr. Lott, it ain't gonna suck itself Everyone on Foothill Road, it ain't gonna suck itself Just so we're not totally sexist, it ain't gonna lick itself Virgin Records, it ain't gonna suck itself
It's funny you say that, cos most of the time you only need to see the first and last letters of a word to know what it says...wonder what's on your mind
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If a cat always lands on it's feet, and toast always lands butter side down. What happens if you strap toast to the back of a cat?
