The following Dodgers have been smited by the JDK for their crimes against Jam:
All the girls! for picking on the JDK and damaging his already delicate self esteem!
The Basserd Who Nicked Copper's Stuff For the offense of nicking Copper's stuff. You are a tw*t, whoever you are and we all hope you get run over by a tram in Nottingham. Or Liverpool. Or whereever else they have trams!
Copper For the crime of playing with her Wii instead of her Jammie pals!
So I have worked the last 3 weekends out of 4 and all the days inbetween and I am about to do potentially two weeks of solid, almost 'round the clock' work.
Its fair to say my patience is a bit fried and I'm a bit tired -
I need the board to give me ideas to keep calm and carry on -
over to you!
__________________
I'll take arrogance and the inevitable hubris over self-doubt and lack of confidence.
"Everyone has a plan, until they get punched in the face" - Mike Tyson
Punching a tramp usually helps, although you'd need to find the right tramp.
Failing that whatever calms thee sir, a nice little walk ... and long bath ... a good book and a glass de vin ... just make sure you take every chance you can to relax and turn the brain off for a bit.
Well... since you have an iPhone and I happen to know that you have a man-crush on Superman, perhaps you should use the DC Comics app to download oodles of Superman comics (including the new Action Comics #1 and Justice League #1 which were excellent). Or pop onto iTunes and download yourself a movie. Or an excellent Tower Defence game (I recommend Sentinel 3 or Tower Madness). Or just put on some really LOUD Metallica. Or write a long cathartic post on here about your work, replacing all the names with characters from the Mr Men and all the detail about the job with gardening metaphors.
Or, y'know, look up some porn.
Other things to do in your hotel:
1. Take a lot of baths.
2. Build a fort out of stuff from the room and leave it there for the cleaning lady to find. Do this every day for three days, but on the third day, be hiding in the fort.
3. Take the sheet from your bed, and wander the corridors dressed as a ghost. In the morning, discuss the haunting with the staff and see if you can get a discount.
4. Chat up the receptionist for extra biscuits.
5. Dismantle andy framed pictures in your hotel room and rehang them upside down. See if anyone notices.
6. At the breakfast buffet, take ALL of the bacon. Then only eat one rasher.
7. Plant a small tree in reception. If anyone asks, tell them it's to remember the war heroes.
8. Ride the lifts. Announce each floor number and indicate whether you are going up or down an whether the doors are opening or closing.
2. Build a fort out of stuff from the room and leave it there for the cleaning lady to find. Do this every day for three days, but on the third day, be hiding in the fort.
You, sir, are a genius ... and I WILL be doing this :)
...Ben
