So, lads.  Here’s the thing.  Given the wide ranging variation in tastes, I’m of the opinion that we need a formal process by which we can rate the attractiveness of the girls, so that we can avoid any claims of discrimination.  If we have an official scale, the chicks don’t have to feel bad if we don’t fancy ‘em cos it’s just the numbers, innit!

Each feature, or variable of said girl could be given a rating on a scale of, say 1 to 10.  For example (and this is only an example and doesn’t necessarily reflect the personal taste of the management):

Hair colour:  Blondes 10, Redheads 7, Brunettes 5, Pink hair 1 cos it’s grim.  10 bonus points if the collars and cuffs match.

 

Handbags: 2 points deducted from the total of 10 for each handbag owned by the subject.  This can go into minus points.

 

Shoes:  2 points deducted from the total of 10 for every pair of shoes over and above a nominal volume of 3.  Again… minus points are allowed (and are inevitable).

So there we are.  We just have to decide upon a suitable number of variables – I think 10 is good, giving us a maximum figure of 100 – and how those variables should be measured.

I think that this is terribly important work we’re doing here and can be applied to many events that could otherwise cause embarrassment and wasted time.  For example, a prospective employer can place a stipulation that only girls who score 70 or over should apply for a job thereby saving him the trouble of interviewing girls that he obviously isn’t going to employ and saving our less attractive womenfolk from wasting their time applying in the first place.

Girls – I realise that there is the remote possibility that my misogynistic attitude has an outside chance of causing offence and to that I can only say that I forgive you.

One last thing…  It’s only a bit of fun.  I’m not really a sexist pig… I’m just trying to get a rise out of ya!