The following Dodgers have been smited by the JDK for their crimes against Jam:
All the girls! for picking on the JDK and damaging his already delicate self esteem!
The Basserd Who Nicked Copper's Stuff For the offense of nicking Copper's stuff. You are a tw*t, whoever you are and we all hope you get run over by a tram in Nottingham. Or Liverpool. Or whereever else they have trams!
Copper For the crime of playing with her Wii instead of her Jammie pals!
Peter Wincott, the victim of the threat, was 'rather large' and someone well known to the court solicitor Terry Eastwood said.
He was speaking for his client, StickySquidget Mushroom Midget Really O'Reilly O'Rourke, who had changed his name by deed poll as part of his performance act as a clown, the magistrates heard.
O'Rourke, of Hillhead, Penryn, pleaded guilty to assaulting Peter Wincott and to using threatening behaviour on June 11.