The following Dodgers have been smited by the JDK for their crimes against Jam:
All the girls! for picking on the JDK and damaging his already delicate self esteem!
The Basserd Who Nicked Copper's Stuff For the offense of nicking Copper's stuff. You are a tw*t, whoever you are and we all hope you get run over by a tram in Nottingham. Or Liverpool. Or whereever else they have trams!
Copper For the crime of playing with her Wii instead of her Jammie pals!
Okay... imagine that Stead has a bellyful of rage but only has one crossbow bolt. Which of these three candidates deserves his bolt of fury in the face. or arse (ass) if you prefer?
John McCoo, 33, admitted attempting to murder Brian Winters, 38, by stabbing him on the neck and body in Albert Road, Crosshill, Glasgow, last July. [...] The court heard how Mr Winters and his girlfriend were out walking their dog when McCoo drove past in the passenger seat of a car and did not acknowledge them.
Mr Winters was angry and phoned another friend Des Haggerty, 34, who was driving the car, to complain.
Minutes later the car driven by Mr Haggerty stopped in the street near Mr Winters and McCoo got out.
He produced a knife and struck Mr Winters on the neck then stabbed him on the left side of his body before returning to the car and being driven off.
The attack perforated Mr Winters' external jugular vein.
McCoo claimed in court that he had only meant to slash Mr Winters' face but had missed.
What are Power Balance bands? A growing number of celebrities are being spotted with a distinctive silicone band on their wrists. While users claim it can help with balance, critics dismiss it as unscientific hocus pocus. So why would anybody wear a Power Balance band? [...] On the US website of Power Balance it explains the bands thus: "Power Balance is based on the idea of optimising the body's natural energy flow, similar to concepts behind many Eastern philosophies. The hologram in Power Balance is designed to resonate with and respond to the natural energy field of the body."
The dress worn by Nurse Poltis in the Pavilion Theatre production of Robin Hood originally had red crosses on the hat and tunic.
These were changed to green crosses after the British Red Cross informed the theatre it was breaking the law and could face prosecution.
Unauthorised use of the emblem violates the Geneva Conventions Act 1957.
[...]
"The emblem is a special sign of neutrality and protection recognised by all sides during armed conflicts.
"Misuse of that emblem - even when done in an innocent and light-hearted manner - has to be addressed. Repeated and widespread misuse of the Red Cross emblem could dilute its neutrality and its ability to protect.
Well yeah. But most of us have delusions around the competency of government or rail companies or men with beards who live in the sky rather then imagined slights, magic bracelets or pantomime's treatment of prisoners of war!