The following Dodgers have been smited by the JDK for their crimes against Jam:
All the girls! for picking on the JDK and damaging his already delicate self esteem!
The Basserd Who Nicked Copper's Stuff For the offense of nicking Copper's stuff. You are a tw*t, whoever you are and we all hope you get run over by a tram in Nottingham. Or Liverpool. Or whereever else they have trams!
Copper For the crime of playing with her Wii instead of her Jammie pals!
Part of me wishes that I was making this up, but the fact that I didn't made my day. I give you: The Adventures of The Swede: Docket #2,010,462
Last night ~12:30 am I get a phone call from the Swede, he's in Houston and three sheets to the wind, here's the basic conversation:
Team Sweden: "Dude, we're driving to New Orleans tomorrow! We're buying all the water we can get and going!" Team Canada: "Er, we can't get anywhere near New Orleans... It's under water and blocked off, eh." Team Sweden: "Dude, we have a Jeep, we'll get a canoe, we can sneak through..." Team Canada: "Erm, dude, your specialty is creating chaos, not resolving it, there's too much there already... Unless you know how to fix a fubar levee, get yer ass back to Minnesota, do your job, pay your taxes and donate blood and money." Team Sweden: "Dude, I'll call you tomorrow when I'm a little more sober..." Team Canada: "Sounds good."
Today ~1:00 pm the sober call arrives, here's the aftermath following last night's conversation:
Apparently the Swede is leaving the bar at God knows what time, steps in this mud-puddle/quicksand and loses his shoe. Right then, a bouncer walks up and advises the Swede that he needs to get the hell out of dodge right away. The Swede's verbal response is aggressive and the bouncer responds in turn by letting the Swede know he's going to kick his ass. The Swede proceeds to throw his other, and remaining shoe at the guy, runs like hell, jumps in a cab and back to the hotel... Apparently he woke up, shoeless, for his 9:40 am flight at 11:00 am... He did manage to go purchase new shoes (apparently, he wore them out of the store) and is currently sitting in an airport without a ticket, flying standby. Flying standby on Labor Day weekend (long weekend) in Houston...
I was laughing so hard while he was telling me the story, tears were streaming down my face. I said "Sorry, dude, I'm having trouble mustering up some sympathy over here!"
Which is odd really, conisdering people usually call it something like the US, USA, The States or America. Still. Each to their own. No accounting for Swedishness.
