The following Dodgers have been smited by the JDK for their crimes against Jam:
All the girls! for picking on the JDK and damaging his already delicate self esteem!
The Basserd Who Nicked Copper's Stuff For the offense of nicking Copper's stuff. You are a tw*t, whoever you are and we all hope you get run over by a tram in Nottingham. Or Liverpool. Or whereever else they have trams!
Copper For the crime of playing with her Wii instead of her Jammie pals!
Ok. Here's a new game for you all. Post your favourite movie (or TV... I'm easy) cliches.
For example:
The Exploding Car
As a rule, cars don't explode in the event of a crash. In fact they're specially deigned not to. In movies, however all cars are fitted with an Impact Sensitive Detonation Device (ISDD) next to the petrol tank which means that the slightest bump will cause an apocalyptic explosion of thermonuclear force.
Which leads nicely on to...
The Exploding Car Escape Rule
Cars driven by good guys have a Delayed Impact Sensitive Detonation Device (DISDD) installed, which gives them around 5 seconds to scramble free from the vehicle before it goes up in an enormous fireball. The good guy has to be very careful to select the right vehicle from the many that he is given to choose from. It would seem that the DISDD installation engineer has a bad habit of leaving the keys in the cars he works on, making it easy to identify.
Bad guys rarely have DISDDs installed in their vehicles. Except in the A-Team.
Science tells us that if one leaps into the air at the moment of the explosion, one will not be harmed. And it looks cool too.
If there is ever a fantastic feat or weird chain of events it wil Always be witnessed by a drunk who will throw the bottle they have been drinking from in comic fashion after the event.
__________________
I aint no wide eyed rebel, but I aint no preachers son.
This one's mainly used by soaps on TV but can also apply to romantic comedies and other chick orientated media.
People are genetically disposed towards keeping insignificant details an absolute secret until the exact moment that that minor detail can cause the most damage. Prime secrets involve past relationships and or minor mishaps. For example:
Before Sharon started dating Clive, she had a one night stand with his best mate Dave (that's Big Dave, not Stumpy Dave or Squinteye Dave). Rather than being upfront about it, Sharon keeps it a secret until one of her mates lets it slip to Clive at a party. Break-up hilarity ensues...
Rather than admit that he lost the pound the Geoff gave him to buy a lottery ticket (a minor problem that can easily be corrected with another pound), Bill tells Geoff that he has the ticket in his pocket. Later that night, it turns out that Geoff picked the winning numbers and stands to win 30 million quid. And Bill still doesn't tell Geoff that he didn't buy the ticket. Until Geoff has already spent 50 grand on a party to celebrate. Nose breaking hilarity ensures...
All film and TV television sets can be broken by kicking the screen, despite the glass in CRT televisions being up to an inch thick they can be easily broken!
__________________
I aint no wide eyed rebel, but I aint no preachers son.
I've never tried kicking the screen of my telly in, so I'm unable to verify the veracity of that claim. Mind if I pop round to your house and test it on your telly, Halo?
Anyway... my next submission:
The Nerdy Stunner Phenomenon
This phenomenon is usually reserved for the female lead in a teen chick flick, but can also apply to the geeky male lead. The awkward gangly chick (or dude) who gets bullied at school is courted by the ridiculously good looking Jock (or Cheerleader) for a bet. Shortly after he (or she) falls improbably in love with her (or him) they attend a social occasion that requires formal attire, usually a Prom. By simply removing her (or his) glasses, brushing her (or his hair) and dressing in slightly more form-fitting clothing, the geeky nerd type transforms miraculously into the single most drop dead gorgeous stunner on the face of the planet. Jock's (or Cheerleader's) mates are madly jealous and everyone lives happily ever after.
One of my colleagues (who I'm trying to recruit) came up with the following:
English Villans:- Invariably in most Hollywood films the bad guy of the piece tends to be a played by an English actor-nomatter what nationality their character is supposed to be.Most war films have Nazis played by English actors,Die Hard had Alan Rickman,star wars had Peter Cushing and The Emperor..etc,etc..
Short cuts:-Whenever theres a movie car chase,the pursuer,usually the good guy-most probably Michael Knight or BA Baracus happen to know a short cut that miraculously catches up to a few metres behind the baddie being pursued..
The symmetrical love interest. Nerds tend to get Nerdy women in movies,black men get black women(BA's love Interests) and people like Face or Captain Kirk tend to get the good looking ones...
The climactic face off:-No matter what movie genre,the hero always comes face to face with the chief bad guy for some fisty cuffs-american style,think Predator, Star Trek 3, Commando.. the list is endless.
ddvmor wrote: The Nerdy Stunner Phenomenon This phenomenon is usually reserved for the female lead in a teen chick flick, but can also apply to the geeky male lead. The awkward gangly chick (or dude) who gets bullied at school is courted by the ridiculously good looking Jock (or Cheerleader) for a bet. Shortly after he (or she) falls improbably in love with her (or him) they attend a social occasion that requires formal attire, usually a Prom. By simply removing her (or his) glasses, brushing her (or his hair) and dressing in slightly more form-fitting clothing, the geeky nerd type transforms miraculously into the single most drop dead gorgeous stunner on the face of the planet. Jock's (or Cheerleader's) mates are madly jealous and everyone lives happily ever after.
dazza, are we allowed to just write the plot of particular whole movie and put it here?
The geology always moves a little slower than a hero rule
So in real life you cannot outrun an ash flow (Pompeii did not enter our history books through survivors tails), if you're trying to run away from cracks made by an earthquake I'm thinking you'd be knocked to the ground by the shock waves (if an earthquake were to occur in a movie style way in the first place, of which I'm sceptical). However, you can guarantee no natuaral disaster will get closer than 6 inches to our hero.
Even if waking up in someone elses house the hero still knows where to find everything to make a stunning breakfast (flower in glass too!) - and the fact that the house has enough ingrediants in it to make more than stale toast or porridge is beyond me...
Never spotting the 'i have a secret look'
Despite looking at the camera in horror when rumbled no-one else ever seems to spot it...
__________________
I'll take arrogance and the inevitable hubris over self-doubt and lack of confidence.
"Everyone has a plan, until they get punched in the face" - Mike Tyson
dazza, are we allowed to just write the plot of particular whole movie and put it here?
Um... I think I just did.
Supercomputers
No-one uses Windows in the movies. They have these amazing graphical interfaces. Even the most knackered old pc has the worlds greatest graphics card in it. And every riddle can be solved in three seconds by looking on the internet. And and 14 year old geek can hack into any system anywhere with his laptop (yes, everyone in movies have laptops).
Did you know that cctv tapes can be accessed though the interweb? Neither did I...
Short cuts:-Whenever theres a movie car chase,the pursuer,usually the good guy-most probably Michael Knight or BA Baracus happen to know a short cut that miraculously catches up to a few metres behind the baddie being pursued..
Also, there's the Hero Runs Faster than A Carscenario. This is where our hero dodges up a flight of steps or something to end up in front of a car that drove away at an incredible rate of speed! Probably happens once a Bond flick!
And the old Hero runs away from the pursuing vehicle in a straight line instead o taking advantage of his superior manouverability and running off to the left...
)
