Oh come on.  Since when has talking about the French been more intellectual than talking about bums.  They're practically the same thing, aren't they?

Yup.  Without them we'd only have half the red tape!

Sounds like a load of bollocks to me!

Thank you sir!

In honour of the occasion, I would like to tell a French joke, albeit about francophonies. Now, in order to understand the joke, you'll need a little background on the Canadian provinces. See the following:

TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN BRITISH COLUMBIA

1. Weed.
2. Vancouver: 1.5 million people and two bridges.
3. The local hero is a pot-smoking snowboarder.
4. The local wine doesn't taste like malt vinegar.
5. Your $400,000 Vancouver home is 5 hours from downtown.
6. A university with a nude beach.
7. You can throw a rock and hit three Starbucks locations.
8. If a cop pulls you over, you can just offer him some of your hash.
9. There's always some sort of deforestation protest going on.
10. Cannabis.

TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN ALBERTA

1. Big Rock.
2. Preston Manning.
3. Tax is 7 percent instead of approximately 200 percent.
4. The Premier is a fat, wife-beating alcoholic with a grade 4 education.
5. Flames vs. Oilers.
6. Stampeders vs. Eskimos.
7. You can exploit almost any natural resource you can think of.
8. Eventually, it will be your town's turn to ban VLT's.
9. The Americans below you are all in anti-government militia groups.
10. You can attempt to murder your rich oil tycoon husband and get away with it.

TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN SASKATCHEWAN

1. You never run out of wheat.
2. Those cool Saskatewan Wheat Pool hats.
3. Cruise control takes on a whole new meaning.
4. Your province is really easy to draw.
5. You never have to worry about roll-back if you have a standard.
6. It takes you two weeks to walk to your neighbour's house.
7. YOUR Roughriders survived.
8. You can watch the dog run away from home for hours.
9. People will assume you live on a farm.
10. Buying a huge John Deere mower makes sense.

TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN MANITOBA

1. You wake up one morning to find you suddenly have beachfront property.
2. Amusing town names like "Flin Flon" and "Winnipeg".
3. All your local bands make it big and move to Toronto.
4. The only province to ever violently rebel against the federal government.
5. Hundreds of huge, horribly frigid lakes.
6. Nothing compares to a wicked Winnipeg winter.
7. You don't need a car, just take the canoe to work.
8. You can be an Easterner or a Westerner depending on your mood.
9. Because of your license plate, you're still "friendly" even when you cut someone off.
10. You can pass the time watching trucks and barns float by.

TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN ONTARIO

1. You live in the center of the universe.
2. Your $400,000 Toronto home is actually a dump.
3. You and you alone decide who will win the federal election.
4. There's no such thing as an Ontario Separatist.
5. Your grandparents sold booze to the States during Prohibition.
6. Lots of tourists come to Toronto because they mistakenly believe it's a cool city.
7. The only province with hard-core American-style crime.
8. MuchMusic's Speaker's Corner - rant and rave on national TV for a dollar.
9. Baseball fans park on your front lawn and pee on the side of your house.
10. Mike Harris: basically a sober Ralph Klein.

TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN QUEBEC

1. Everybody assumes you're an ****.
2. Racism is socially acceptable.
3. The only province to ever kidnap federal politicians.
4. You can take bets with your friends on which English neighbour will move out next.
5. Other provinces basically bribe you to stay in Canada.
6. The FLQ.
7. Your hockey team is made up entirely of dirty French guys.
8. The province with the oldest, nastiest hookers.
9. NON-smokers are the outcasts.
10. You can blame all your problems on the "Anglo bastards".

TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN NEW BRUNSWICK

1. You are sandwiched between French ****s and drunken celtic fiddlers.
2. One way or another, the government gets 98 percent of your income.
3. You're poor, but not as poor as the Newfies.
4. When listing the provinces, everyone forgets to mention yours.
5. The economy is based on fish, cows, and ferrying Ontario motorists to Boston.
6. No one ever blames anything on New Brunswick.
7. You have French people, but they don't want to kill you.
8. Everybody has a Grandfather who runs a lighthouse.
9. Just as charming as Maine, but with more unemployed fishermen.
10. You probably live in a small seaside cottage with no television.

TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN NOVA SCOTIA

1. The only place in North America to get bombed in the war ...by a moron who set a munitions ship on fire.
2. Our province is shaped like male genitalia.
3. Everyone is a fiddle player.
4. If someone asks if you're a Newfie, you are allowed to kick his ass.
5. The local hero is an insane, fiddle playing, sexual pervert.
6. The province that produced Rita MacNeil, the world's largest land mammal.
7. You are the reason Anne Murray makes money.
8. You can pretend you have Scottish heritage as an excuse to wear a kilt.
9. The economy is based on fish, lobster, and fiddle music.
10. Even though it smells like dead sea animals, Halifax is considered Canada's most beautiful city.

TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE ON PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND

1. Even though more people live on Vancouver Island, you still got the big-ass bridge.
2. You can walk across the province in half an hour.
3. You were probably once an extra on "Road to Avonlea".
4. This is where all those tiny red potatoes come from.
5. The economy is based on fish, potatoes, and CBC TV shows.
6. Tourists arrive, see the "Anne of Green Gables" house, then promptly leave.
7. You can drive across the province in two minutes.
8. It doesn't matter to you if Quebec separates.
9. You don't share a border with the Americans, or with anyone for that matter.
10. You can confuse ships by turning your porch lights on and off at night.

TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN NEWFOUNDLAND

1. The poorest, stupidest, drunkest province in Confederation.
2. If Quebec Separates, you will float off to sea.
3. In the rare case when someone moves to the Rock, you can make them kiss a dead cod.
4. The economy is based on fish, seafood, and fish-related products.
5. If you do something stupid, you have a built-in excuse.
6. You understand the meaning of Great Big Sea's lyrics.
7. The work day is about two hours long.
8. You are credited with many great inventions, like the solar-powered flashlight and the screen door for submarines.
9. If someone asks if you're from Nova Scotia, you are allowed to kick his ass.
10. It is socially acceptable to wear your hip waders on your wedding day.

Now, I give the joke:

An Ontarian wanted to become a Newfie. He went to the neurosurgeon and asked, "Is there anything you can do to me that would make me into a Newfie?". "Sure it's easy." replied the neurosurgeon. "All I have to do is cut out1/3 of your brain, and you'll be a Newfie."

He was very pleased, and immediately underwent the operation. However, the neurosurgeon's knife slipped, and instead of cutting 1/3 of the patient's brain, the surgeon accidentally cut out 2/3 of the patient's brain.

He was terribly remorseful, and waited impatiently beside the patient's bed as the patient recovered from the anaesthetic. As soon as the patient was conscious, the neurosurgeon said to him "I'm terribly sorry, but there was a ghastly accident. Instead of cutting out 1/3 of your brain, I accidentally cut out 2/3 of your brain."

The patient replied "Qu'est-ce que vous avez dit, monsieur?"

quote:

---

Originally posted by:
"An accurate assessment, sir.  Well said."

---

What have I done to upset you today?

Oh, and Nate, your joke was actually acceptably funny.

Glad you liked the joke. I'll be here all week.