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The Jammie Dodger Bored Board -> JDBB -> The Jammie Dodger Bored Board -> How To Write Unmaintainable Code
Post Info TOPIC: How To Write Unmaintainable Code
NateO


Vice JDK
and Man of the People




Status: Offline
Posts: 5453
Date: May 17, 2005
How To Write Unmaintainable Code
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Check it out:


http://mindprod.com/unmain.html







"Computer languages are gradually evolving to become more fool proof. Using state of the art languages is unmanly. Insist on using the oldest language you can get away with, octal machine language if you can (Like Hans und Frans, I am no girlie man; I am so virile I used to code by plugging gold tipped wires into a plugboard of IBM unit record equipment (punch cards), or by poking holes in paper tape with a hand punch), failing that assembler, failing that FORTRAN or COBOL, failing that C, and BASIC, failing that C++."


http://mindprod.com/unmainlanguage.html







-- Edited by NateO at 03:35, 2005-05-17

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You can't polish a turd
BrianS


Still Number One

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Posts: 576
Date: May 17, 2005
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Nate that is the best site ever, rules to live by LOL. Seriously there are quite a few programs kicking about my office that follow those rules. Mostly 30 year old mainframe COBOL pieces of garbage.

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ddvmor


I am the Jammie King!




Status: Offline
Posts: 12736
Date: May 17, 2005
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It is cool.


Sadly however, I seem to be on the receiving end of some of this advice. 



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The King has spoken... But nobody listened.
NateO


Vice JDK
and Man of the People




Status: Offline
Posts: 5453
Date: May 17, 2005
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Yeah, we have a bunch of COBOL and Fortran crap lurking around here too.


There is some wicked-cool advice there, e.g.,




http://mindprod.com/unmainmisc.html
It's The Size That Counts
It almost goes without saying that the larger a function is, the better it is. And the more jumps and GOTOs the better. That way, any change must be analysed through many scenarios. It snarls the maintenance programmer in the spaghettiness of it all. And if the function is truly gargantuan, it becomes the Godzilla of the maintenance programmers, stomping them mercilessly to the ground before they have an idea of what's happened.




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You can't polish a turd
Batman O'Leary


A.K.A. Damo_Daly
I have a cool name...

Status: Offline
Posts: 559
Date: May 18, 2005
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I started life as a cobol programmer, the place I worked in, the bosses sacked some young dude cos he thought he was being dead funny by naming his paragraphs:


"Potato Scone"


"Bacon"


"Roll n Egg"


Seriously!



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BrianS


Still Number One

Status: Offline
Posts: 576
Date: May 18, 2005
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I love it, it is much more creative than 100-HSK or 999-End

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