Best headline of the week goes to the Scottish Sun:

Parp & Ride
A FILTHY bus driver has been given the bum's rush for dropping his trousers - and breaking wind in the face of a stunned passenger.

The elderly woman had only gone to his cab to complain after she was thrown from her seat as he took a corner too quickly.

But instead of apologising, the windy First Bus driver replied: "How do you like this, then?"

He then dropped his kecks, hopped onto his seat, stuck his backside against the plastic window and let rip inches from the pensioner's face.

Last night, a First Bus insider revealed: "No one could quite believe that anyone could do a thing like that.

"He was a young guy and had only been driving with the company a couple of months.

"I heard he had already upset bosses because he had previously driven into a couple of bus stops.

"The word is he was on his last chance - and he blew it!"

It is understood the Glasgow driver - known only as Archie - was sacked on the spot as soon as management found out about his stinky stunt.

Last night, the firm was reluctant to give details on the gassy attack, or whether it was reported to police. But it's believed the incident happened last month after the driver turned a corner in the city's Bridge Street.

Our insider added: "It has been the talk of the steamie.

"The clown was going too fast for the bend. The old lady went flying off her seat.

"And to be honest, it could have been worse because buses have toppled over before.

"She wanted to let him know what she thought of his driving, yet she gets treated like that - it's appalling."

The driver is thought to have been based at the First Bus Larkfield depot in Glasgow's south side.

First in Glasgow is the biggest bus firm in Scotland, boasting 1,000 vehicles and a payroll of almost 3,000.

A company spokeswoman last night said: "We expect all employees to act in a professional and courteous manner at all times.

"When this is alleged not to be the case, and the incident is brought to the company's attention, we will investigate the claim and take any appropriate action as necessary.

"We do not, however, believe it is appropriate to comment on any individual cases or employment matters."

You can tell you're reading a quality paper when you see phrases like 'dropped his kecks' and 'stinky stunt'.