The following Dodgers have been smited by the JDK for their crimes against Jam:
All the girls! for picking on the JDK and damaging his already delicate self esteem!
The Basserd Who Nicked Copper's Stuff For the offense of nicking Copper's stuff. You are a tw*t, whoever you are and we all hope you get run over by a tram in Nottingham. Or Liverpool. Or whereever else they have trams!
Copper For the crime of playing with her Wii instead of her Jammie pals!
A driver is recovering after a frozen sausage was thrown through the window of his moving car, breaking his nose.
The man was driving near his South Woodham Ferrers home in Essex on Monday afternoon when the "bizarre incident" happened, the ambulance service said.
"He was driving his car when the offending item came through his open window and hit him on the nose," a spokesman said.
The 46-year-old managed to stop safely, before passers-by came to his aid.
The driver decided not to go to hospital, but lost a lot of blood and has been left with a swollen and painful nose, the service said.
"The man said he was making his way home after work and had the window down because it was such a nice afternoon," the spokesman added.
"He said he saw a car coming the other way and felt a searing pain in his nose. He managed to stop his car without hitting anyone else.
"His nose was undoubtedly fractured.
"I feel very sorry for him - it must have been an incredibly lucky or unlucky shot to get the sausage through a moving car window. I have never seen or heard of anything like this before."
By throwing sausages at us? I don;t think that's really his style. I mean, being smited from on high by a lightening bolt is one thing, but frozen sausages?
Well Durrr, Gods got to move with the times like everyone else.... Lightening bolts are -so- last cenchery. Sausages can send messages about the evils of meat -and- hurt people. Its the logical upgrade from lighting.
I see. So what you're saying is that God popped down to Icelend at the weekend to buy a bag of frozen sausages in order to chuck them at evil meat eating people. What next? The 10 commandments emblazoned on the side of a pork chop, maybe? A plague of faggots? 40 days and 40 nights of pouring Bisto gravy?
Yeah. But now I'm confused. You shall not sell Hurt People for US Dollars? But I can sell unhurt ones, then? For Euros? They're so much easier to send in the post if they've been hurt first. I don't think Parcelforce is gonna appreciate that one.