So I ordered a book from an Amazon seller - nothing expensive, just a couple of quid.

A month later I hadn't received it - I have to admit that I kinda forgot about it.  So I took a look at their feedback on Amazon.  It seems that they're pretty inconsistent with the quality of their service.

So I sent them a nice polite e-mail asking for the status of my order:

Hi,
 
I have not yet received the book detailed in this order, placed over a month ago.  Please can you advise me of it's status.
 
Many thanks,
 
Darren.

 

See.  Nothing adversarial.  Just a simple chaser.  Here's what I got in response:

Dear Customer

Thank you for your Amazon order

Delivery times - as stated in our product description your order will be processed and the item delivered to you from America in 10-14 working days

Delivery charges - are as stated on Amazon.

Multiple Orders - Amazon do not allow reduced postal charges for multiple orders from Marketplace sellers. Amazon dictate that you pay the same charge for each item.

Item Description - Please note that all the items we have in stock are as listed currently on Amazon.

Items we have in stock - Please note that all the items we have in stock are as listed currently on Amazon.

Returns - if your item is damaged, incorrect or unwanted please return the item to
Paperbackshop,
Cockrup Farm,
Coln St Aldwyns,
Cirencester
Gloucestershire.
GL7 5AZ,
UK 

Please include the despatch note and state if you would prefer a replacement or a refund for the damage or incorrect item.

This is an information only email there is no need to respond to it.  If this email does not cover your query please resend your origianal email quoting "Zebra" in the subject bar.

Zebra?

I suppose the clue is in the name of the farm...

So what they're actually saying to me is: We haven't read your e-mail.  In fact we have no intention of reading any e-mails unless you put nonsense in the subject line.

My response to their pointlessness was as follows:

Dear Sir,

Thank you for your prompt response to my enquiry. 

It is clear to me that neither you, nor your trained zebra had any intention of reading my polite e-mail of last week.  Instead you chose to send me a response (if you can call it that) that is, in effect nonsense.

Replying to an e-mail is a simple task more suited to trained monkeys than creatures of an equine nature.  You have obviously, however failed to grap this with what passes as an opposable thumb, choosing instead to hoof off with my money and treat me, the customer as mere livestock.

Based on your recent feedback, it would appear that you have treated many of your other customers the same.

I have no intention of continuing to correspond with a business that is more akin to a zoo than a bookseller.  As such I require an immediate refund.  There is no need to send me the book.

I have copied Amazon in on this mail as I feel that an association with a business that demonstrates such unprofessionalism reflects badly upon them - fodder they could do well without.

No Regards,

Darren Morrissey.

Too harsh?  Too sarcastic?  Ho hum.  I had a bad day at work.