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The Jammie Dodger Bored Board -> JDBB -> The Jammie Dodger Bored Board -> Elevator Interior Positional Dynamic Relationships
Post Info TOPIC: Elevator Interior Positional Dynamic Relationships
ddvmor


I am the Jammie King!




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Posts: 12736
Date: Mar 11, 2005
Elevator Interior Positional Dynamic Relationships
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The laws of physics cover many things, from the speed of light and nuclear fusion to the effects of gravity on a cat's body when it is 'accidentally' knocked off the arm of the sofa.


It's about time that science was applied to something really important.  Something that will make a real difference to the world.  Something that will benefit mankind for years and years to come.


For this reason, I intend to apply to the governemnt for a grant to study the dynamics of the interior positional dynamics of elevators.


Think about it for a minute:  In any given lift occupied by say, 6 people, the person who has to get out first is always, always at the back.  And what a pain in the backside that is.  There must be a formula by which the probability of this is calculated - and once we fully understand the phenomenon, we can devise ways to limit it's effects on our day-to-day lift-catching activities.


The variables would include (but not be limited to):


The location of the lift,
The capacity of the lift,
The number of passengers in the lift,
The floor that each passenger requires,
The order in which the buttons are pressed.


Obviously the methodology would have to include the study of lifts in different parts of the world.  For example, do the lifts in the Bahamas follow the same rules as those in California or New Zealand?  Does altitude and/or air pressure have an effect?  We'll have to test this in lifts in ski resorts against those operating in the clubhouses of sea-level golf courses.  What about wildlife?  Do the inhabitants of the African Safari or Australian outback influence the dynamics of the list?


Alcohol may also have a contriubtary effect - after all, a very very drunk person may press the wrong button, fall out of the lift on the wrong floor or even fall asleep in the lift, thereby missing the required floor.  Another important factor is odour.  Will the smell of frying bacon promt the spontaneous depression of the Canteen level?  Does a lingering fart cause people to exit the lift earlier than intended?


All these vital questions will be answered if the government can be persuaded of the importance of my study.  Write to your MP today. 


Even better - send me money.  You know you want to!



-- Edited by ddvmor at 11:17, 2005-03-11

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Andromeda


Proud House-Owner




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Posts: 1139
Date: Mar 11, 2005
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I say you set up a Save Toby site and get donations... only instead, tell people you'll kill off all the elevators.


I'm sure most americans would donate based solely on the fear that they might actually have to walk up a flight of stairs.



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ddvmor


I am the Jammie King!




Status: Offline
Posts: 12736
Date: Mar 11, 2005
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It's certainly a valid alternative.  I would need to invent some form of lift-destroying weaponry to make good on my threat, however.


Anyway... most Britons would let me get on with it, then just tut and huff about it afterwards.



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The King has spoken... But nobody listened.
bonniepirateanne


I ain't a Pirate and I ain't called Anne, but I sure am Bonnie!

(Mrs)




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Posts: 3266
Date: Mar 11, 2005
RE: Elevator Interior Positional Dynamic Relations
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you should call it the 'otis effect'

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BrianS


Still Number One

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Posts: 576
Date: Mar 11, 2005
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I work in a building that has 5 floors counting the basement. There are actually people that will stand and wait at the elevator to go from 1 to 2 or the reverse. I work for the City of St. Louis (City Hall). You would not believe how dis-proportionate the amount of fat people to normal people is here. It is ridiculous. It is like the only people that can work in city hall are

a. Old
b. Fat
c. Smoke

Nice combination

ok rant over

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BrianS


Still Number One

Status: Offline
Posts: 576
Date: Mar 11, 2005
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BTW Darren, you makin' fun of my team with this Pooholes stuff?
Albert Pujols

I love how they give his name pronunciation!

POO-holes

emphasis on the "POO"

-- Edited by BrianS at 14:31, 2005-03-11

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Susan


Tickle me, Elmo!

I'm Roger Moore's Stunt Double!



Status: Offline
Posts: 4936
Date: Mar 11, 2005
RE: Elevator Interior Positional Dynamic Relationships
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Darren, I'll infomap your official report if you let me come and study with you.

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ddvmor


I am the Jammie King!




Status: Offline
Posts: 12736
Date: Mar 11, 2005
RE: RE: Elevator Interior Positional Dynamic Relations
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quote:
Originally posted by: BrianS
"BTW Darren, you makin' fun of my team with this Pooholes stuff? Albert Pujols I love how they give his name pronunciation! POO-holes emphasis on the "POO"-- Edited by BrianS at 14:31, 2005-03-11"

 


Heh.  I'll get rid of it when it stops making me chuckle.


nyuk nyuk nyuk...



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