The following Dodgers have been smited by the JDK for their crimes against Jam:
All the girls! for picking on the JDK and damaging his already delicate self esteem!
The Basserd Who Nicked Copper's Stuff For the offense of nicking Copper's stuff. You are a tw*t, whoever you are and we all hope you get run over by a tram in Nottingham. Or Liverpool. Or whereever else they have trams!
Copper For the crime of playing with her Wii instead of her Jammie pals!
If you've ever taken the time to read my rants about the nasty grimness that keeps occuring in my office, you may recall an incident that I reported a while back in which someone vomited into a plastic cup and then disposed of the mess into the drip dray in the vending area of our coffee vending machine. In front of witnesses, no less. Witnesses that didn't kill him!
Well the vomit king has struck again. Yesterday afternoon a rather unpleasant smell surfaced in the vending area. No-one was sure what it was or even quite where it was coming from. All we knew was that it was grim. So we reported the bad smell.
This morning, the cleaning lady turned up and started to do her usual job of emptying the rubbish and recycling bins in the vending area. And what did she find in the bottom of the plastic bottle recycling bin? Plastic bottles? No. That would just be crazy! It was full of VOMIT!
So the unknown offender (who, incidentally is probably not a regular in our office, but a visitor to the training suite across the hall from us) obviously misinterpreted the use of the various bins in the vending area. I mean most vending areas have a bin for general rubbish, a bin for cans and a bin for vomit, don't they? Doesn't yours?
I'm shocked, shocked I say, to find that a modern, civilized western nation doesn't have a vomitorium located in every public hallway...Here we even have the good taste to cleverly disguise them as potted plants, trash cans, someone's coat pocket or an empty office...After using such a facility in a discreet manner the proper followup is to point to someone else and say, "Ye gads! What the hell is that smell?......Ben
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"It must be mounted on a tripod!...It must be mounted on a tripod!" - Cmdr. Frederick Mohr
...Ben
