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The Jammie Dodger Bored Board -> JDBB -> The Jammie Dodger Bored Board -> Bristollian Lecture
Post Info TOPIC: Bristollian Lecture
NateO


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Date: Feb 15, 2005
Bristollian Lecture
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An old man in Macclesfield calls his son in London and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough." "Dad, what are you talking about?!" the son screams. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer." the old man said. "We're sick and tired of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Bristol and tell her." And he hangs up.


 


Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone, "Like heck they're getting a divorce!!" she shouts. "I'll take care of this!"


 


She calls Macclesfield immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then don't do a thing, do you hear me?!" And she hangs up.


 


The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "They're coming for Easter weekend and paying their own way!! Now what do we tell them for Christmas?"



-- Edited by NateO at 20:38, 2005-02-15

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ddvmor


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Hmmm.  Sounds oddly familiar...  

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JonnyStead


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Cool - I likes it...

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Susan


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I'm Roger Moore's Stunt Double!



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Date: Feb 16, 2005
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  Some parents will try anything to get a visit. 


My mother in law arrives in about an hour.  I'm going out! 



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NateO


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With your cold?


Have a great time!



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ddvmor


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quote:
Originally posted by: Susan
"  Some parents will try anything to get a visit.  "

I made the mistake of mentioning my impending week off to my mother last night.  Within a picosecond she told me that I should come down and visit her.


Like teaspoons, I should go and visit her.


(didja like my use of cutlery based swearing, there?)



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Susan


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But if you have free time Darren, doesn't that automatically mean you should be spending it with her?  Sounds like my mother in law. 


Are you sure we're not related?



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Andromeda


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This makes me even happier that my mom lives 1200 miles from me.


 


Not that distance stops her from calling me up at some godawful hour to ask how to change the font size in Word.



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JonnyStead


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Its key information - I understand... shall I give you Darren's number? Your mom can ring him!

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"Everyone has a plan, until they get punched in the face" - Mike Tyson
Andromeda


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I think I'd rather have your number

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NateO


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You two are starting to make me worry...

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NateO


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quote:
Originally posted by: Andromeda
"This makes me even happier that my mom lives 1200 miles from me."

My Parents live 1,800 miles from me, and still, every time I talk to them they ask when I'm going to stop by.


Speaking of locations, have y'all seen this:


http://maps.google.com/


Pretty sweet!



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NateO


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Looks like it only covers the U.S. and Canada as of right now...


Edit: Er, the Toronto Maps aren't very accurate yet, it put my old school in the wrong town and on the wrong side of Toronto!  

-- Edited by NateO at 16:44, 2005-02-17

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ddvmor


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Page doesn't work for me. I just get a big box in attractive flesh tones.  I'll have to try it at home.

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ddvmor


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Almost as good as Multimap.


I can see my house from here!



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Andromeda


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That's quite green that is.

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ddvmor


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Actually, it was a bit of a fib.  My house was built after they took the photo.  They haven't even updated the map to reflect my estate.  Basserds.

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NateO


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quote:
Originally posted by: Andromeda
"That's quite green that is."

Extremely green! Kind of like these poor old sods:


http://www.microsoft.com/mac/products/excel2004/excel2004.aspx


Who are way too effin' happy about using Excel on a Mac!



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ddvmor


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Date: Feb 18, 2005
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They look pretty pleased with themselves, don't they.


Excel 2004


Far more pleased than anyone should be over a spreadsheet.  One should generally reserve that level of pleasedness for the news that you've won the lottery, or that your mother has lost her voice.



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JonnyStead


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Date: Feb 18, 2005
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quote:
Originally posted by: NateO
"You two are starting to make me worry... "
The woman has taste mate (albeit mis-guided) - I shall give you my aol ID And

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I'll take arrogance and the inevitable hubris over self-doubt and lack of confidence.

"Everyone has a plan, until they get punched in the face" - Mike Tyson
ddvmor


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Date: Feb 18, 2005
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And what?

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Andromeda


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Date: Feb 18, 2005
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quote:
Originally posted by: JonnyStead
"The woman has taste mate (albeit mis-guided) - I shall give you my aol ID And "

If I'm so misguided, perhaps I don't need your aol ID then! hrmph!


 




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JonnyStead


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Date: Feb 18, 2005
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Cool new avatar! -

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I'll take arrogance and the inevitable hubris over self-doubt and lack of confidence.

"Everyone has a plan, until they get punched in the face" - Mike Tyson
ddvmor


I am the Jammie King!




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Date: Feb 18, 2005
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Bhudda?

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NateO


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Date: Feb 18, 2005
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quote:
Originally posted by: ddvmor
"They look pretty pleased with themselves, don't they."

Yeah, I mean, having an unnatural love for Excel myself, I'm even finding that load of bollox hard to swallow!



quote:

Originally posted by: Andromeda
" If I'm so misguided, perhaps I don't need your aol ID then! hrmph!"


Stead-man, mate, get your arse down to florist, quick-like!!!



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Andromeda


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Date: Feb 19, 2005
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quote:
Originally posted by: ddvmor
"Bhudda?"

Yep! I finally scanned and uploaded pics of the kids at the dogpark


www.tuoni.net/dogpark



-- Edited by Andromeda at 08:26, 2005-02-19

-- Edited by Andromeda at 08:28, 2005-02-19

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ddvmor


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Date: Feb 19, 2005
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So who wants to come up with the caption for this one, then?



They're two fine looking dogs you have there! (although not neccessarily in this picture)


I want a dog.


Can't have one though.



-- Edited by ddvmor at 13:00, 2005-02-19

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Andromeda


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Date: Feb 19, 2005
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Figures. Out of all the pics, that's the one he likes

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bonniepirateanne


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Date: Feb 20, 2005
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ok i actually think the bloke in the excel ad thing is saying 'arghh look at how scary you look'



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ddvmor


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Date: Feb 20, 2005
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The one in black looks like Nigel Havers.  Now that's scary...

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