The following Dodgers have been smited by the JDK for their crimes against Jam:
All the girls! for picking on the JDK and damaging his already delicate self esteem!
The Basserd Who Nicked Copper's Stuff For the offense of nicking Copper's stuff. You are a tw*t, whoever you are and we all hope you get run over by a tram in Nottingham. Or Liverpool. Or whereever else they have trams!
Copper For the crime of playing with her Wii instead of her Jammie pals!
So last night I sold a bunch of stuff on ebay and one of the buyers appears to be an alien (or possibly a LOLcat. He sent me a message at about 11pm last night which read:
"hai i have paid the money u post da phone 2morrow asap im going on holliday this week so plz send asap and can u leave feedback and reply with track no thanks gujjar"
And then this morning at 9am:
"can u replay please"
Bit pushy, I think! Now, normally I get stuff in the post the very next day and then send the buyer an e-mail confirming it's on it's way so they get it as soon as possible and know it's status... but is it wrong that in this case I really, really want to just leave it a day or two (I gave myself a couple of days leeway in the listing).
Also I want to give him an English lesson. Maybe I should reply to him in a similarly unintelligible fashion:
"hai G ai pit da fone in postal adaytay yao get in too dais ur sumfin ai leaf feedblack den"
Do you think he'd notice that I was taking the p*ss?
Delay the posting AND send the garbled message back - and also, as you have his address, order him a nice big pizza - a really hot one... just for laughs...
__________________
I'll take arrogance and the inevitable hubris over self-doubt and lack of confidence.
"Everyone has a plan, until they get punched in the face" - Mike Tyson
I told him that the phone was way too cool for a person of his obviously limited intellect and that rather than inflicting his primate like attempts at communication on me, he should go and get himself a 2 litre bottle of cheap cider and drink it on the corner outside the Circle K with his drooling idiot friends like he does every other night.
By which I mean that I sent him his phone and confirmed it with a polite message. I did start the message 'Hai' (quotes included), but chickened out of being overly sarcastic on the basis that ebay feedback is only one way these days!
...Ben
