There!  Over by the cigarette machine!

The guy with Wellies would be the landlord ... did worry me slightly that he felt the need to walk around his own pub in wellies.

quote:

---

Originally posted by: ddvmor
"There!  Over by the cigarette machine!"

---

Ce qui?

-- Edited by NateO at 18:06, 2004-10-25

Cool.

Cigarette machine?

-- Edited by NateO at 22:26, 2004-10-25

Cigarette Machine

It had a cigarette machine??!!!

It did have a cigarette machine.  Most pubs over here have - don't yours?

Just for Nate's benefit, I shall explain what a traditional English cigarette machine is:

Since smoking (specifically the act of exhaling smoke) in English pubs was outlawed in 1946 (punishable by the removal of the lips with a spoon), the cigarette machine was introduced to allow punters to obtain their nicotine fix without actually smoking.

Users have a tube inserted into their lungs through their chest with a valve attachment.  Each bar-stool postion is equipped with a cigarette machine terminal in the form of a small tubular valve and filter attachment.  Whilst sitting at the bar, users attach this tube to the valve in their chest.  The cigarette machine breathes for them, pumping nicotine saturated smoke directly into their lungs.

Because the exhaling of smoke is illegal, users must be extremely careful not to breathe whilst attached to the cigarette machine.  Some pubs insist that users wear a sealed plastic bag over their heads whilst attached to the smoking machine to prevent any smoke leakage.  This of course means that they cannot drink in the usual way, so beer is injected directly into their blood stream by means of an intravenous drip.

I am, of course, full of sh*t.

'Fraid so.