The following Dodgers have been smited by the JDK for their crimes against Jam:
All the girls! for picking on the JDK and damaging his already delicate self esteem!
The Basserd Who Nicked Copper's Stuff For the offense of nicking Copper's stuff. You are a tw*t, whoever you are and we all hope you get run over by a tram in Nottingham. Or Liverpool. Or whereever else they have trams!
Copper For the crime of playing with her Wii instead of her Jammie pals!
Don't be silly, Nate Mate. Shaz is english, so the date goes the other way round. She's clearly back on the 12th of... er... quadragintaquinque..er...ber...
Well, the full report may have to wait a while as I've much catching up to do (3 pages of posts here alone, oh & some work stuff), so in the meantime I shall give you random & bizarre snippets, starting with possibly the most random & bizarre:
Russian women go to the loo by standing on the toilet & squatting.
Toilets in Russia and Parts of Eastern Europe: Toilets in Russia and in some parts of Eastern Europe are a bit different than what you'd expect in the United States or Western Europe. While serviceable public toilets are becoming more easily found, especially in well-populated areas, you will still encounter some old-style public toilets in Russia and former Soviet countries. Don't be alarmed - the use of these toilets can be navigated, but be prepared.
Pay Toilets in Russia and Eastern Europe: Public toilets, such as those in train stations or large shopping centers, may require a small fee for their use. The fee is usually prominantly displayed and will amount to a few cents' worth of the national currency. If you're out and about, it may be possible to avoid the use of pay toilets. However, sometimes you'll find yourself in a situation while traveling in Eastern Europe when a pay toilet is the only accessible restroom. Keep some change handy for these instances.
Carry Toilet Paper when Traveling in Russia and Eastern Europe: Public toilets often do not equip each toilet stall with toilet paper in Russia. Sometimes toilet paper is available outside the stalls. Sometimes there is none to be had. You can purchase small, travel-sized rolls from hygiene-product travel sections in supermarkets or convenience stores. Travel packages of tissues may substitute in a pinch as well.
Russia's Dreaded Squat Toilets: No one likes to enter a stall only to met with the sight of a hole in the ground flanked with feet-shaped tread. Even more bizarre is the regular toilet that has been equipped with raised platforms so it is impossible to use the toilet in the normal way - one must squat over the bowl or teeter precariously in front of it. My suggestion? Exit promptly - there is usually a more serviceable toilet nearby.
Are Public Toilets Clean or Dirty in Eastern Europe and Russia?: In nicer Eastern European shopping centers, restaurants, and cafes, you'll be pleased to find some very clean, equipped toilets. In airports or train stations, and even in some universities, the state of disrepair and lack of maintanance of the toilets will leave you breathless - literally. These may be your only choice. Carry waterless hand sanitizer.
Russian Toilet Paper - Toilet Paper in Eastern Europe: "Sandpaper"-like toilet paper is still in use in some toilets in Russia and Eastern Europe. Yes, the soft stuff is available for general purchase. The gray-to-brownish Soviet-issue toilet paper is as bad as the stereotype - to varying degrees. If you stay at a friend's house, and they are still using it, try introducing them to the cotton toilet paper. They will probably think you're funny for lavishing luxury on your posterior.
Toilets in Private Residences in Russia and East Europe: Some toilets in Russia and Eastern Europe are given their own room, separate from the bathing/sink area. This will require you to exit the "toilet room" and enter the actual "bath" room to wash your hands. No one thinks this is weird.
Flushing Toilets in Russia - How to Flush an Eastern European Toilet: Some toilets in Eastern Europe will flush the way you're probably used to - there will be a lever on one side of the tank. Other Russian toilets will have a ball or a button on the of the tank. Pull or press to flush the toilet. Some toilets will not have enough power to flush toilet paper - there may be a sign over a trash basket asking that no toilet paper be flushed.
So really, the message is... if you don't like nasty grim toilets, don't go to Russia. Or Bedminster.
Hmm. I never encountered one with a platform above the loo, although on one of the trains there were footgrips embossed in!
I kept a roll of loo paper in my bag, although I did find it became more frequentley available further west.
Didn't encounter any sand-paper type, only come across that in Blighty!
Badly cleaned public loos are surely an international phenomena? However, the whole not flushing the paper thing does make it worse, as I'm sure you can imagine! It's also (thankfully!) a somewhat hard habit to break. It's something that also occurs, within private houses, in France, so I am told.
Well, no point giving another 'til you've finished discussing the first, is there now?
I have to say that I was disappointed my the Chinese's standard of marching. When I get up at a silly time of morning to watch the changing of the flag in Tiananmen square then quite frankly I expect to see some high quality marching, but no! They do little more than amble! The Russians on the other hand did not fail my expectations. Their walking to & from where they were marching was more precisely executed than the Chinese marching. When it came to the marching they really went for it, with full on high kicking steps & everything. One could never be intimidated by the Chinese army on the march (well, maybe if there were lots of them, with guns & stuff) but a couple of Russian soldiers marching toward you? I tell you, you'd be quaking in your boots.