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The Jammie Dodger Bored Board -> JDBB -> The Jammie Dodger Bored Board -> The Grimness Strikes Back!
Post Info TOPIC: The Grimness Strikes Back!
ddvmor


I am the Jammie King!




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Posts: 12736
Date: Jun 22, 2007
The Grimness Strikes Back!
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bleh.gif

You may remember the grimness of which I've posted previously. Well, after a relatively Grim-free few months (occasional puddle of wee in the gents notwithstanding), I am delighted to inform you all that Grim is back in fashion in Bedmnister.

The following e-mail was sent around the office this morning:

The E-mail Said
Folks,

Just to advise you that an incident occurred this afternoon when a member of staff was walking through the churchyard returning to Canons House from Regent House when she saw a naked man s*xually abusing himself.

She contacted the Police who took her statement.

Just to raise concerns that this area has been the scene of a number of incidents in the recent past and it would be useful to arrange for an email cascade to your Neighbourhood reps at Regent and Canons to ensure staff are made aware that taking a short-cut through this churchyard is best avoided and they should keep to the main roads.
I'm a little concerened that it's possible for a man to 's*xually abuse' himself. Some sort of non-consensual m*sterbation, perhaps. I have a (rather unpleasant) image in my mind of a man having a w*nk and shouting 'No, No No!' and batting his own hand away every now and again.

bleh.gif

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bonniepirateanne


I ain't a Pirate and I ain't called Anne, but I sure am Bonnie!

(Mrs)




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Date: Jun 22, 2007
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I'm ashamed to admit that I thought the same thing.. bleh.gifbleh.gifjdkyuk

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Aodan


Teiam Member




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Date: Jun 22, 2007
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What a startling mental image....jdkyuk

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stevo


UK Ambassador to the Antipodes



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Date: Jun 22, 2007
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Congradulations, you've managed to mentally disturb people at opposite ends of the planet with that image...

What an age we live in....


I know there's a lot of Wank*rs in Bedminster but this guy's gone one step further..



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JonnyStead


"I'm Lois!"


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Date: Jun 25, 2007
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lol great * placement matey!

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stevo


UK Ambassador to the Antipodes



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Posts: 92
Date: Jun 27, 2007
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Ta mate.

I last visited Bedpanminster in April to catch up with Dazza.

A 5 minute stand in Asda car park was akin to the time Luke spend in the Cantina Bar in Mos Eisly...

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ddvmor


I am the Jammie King!




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Posts: 12736
Date: Jun 27, 2007
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I think the residents of Mos Eisley are considerably more attractive than the residents of bedminster. Particularly the alien with the bum for a face.



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JonnyStead


"I'm Lois!"


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Date: Jun 27, 2007
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Ah good old assface...

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I'll take arrogance and the inevitable hubris over self-doubt and lack of confidence.

"Everyone has a plan, until they get punched in the face" - Mike Tyson
ddvmor


I am the Jammie King!




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Posts: 12736
Date: Jun 27, 2007
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There was a character in Preacher who was actually called Arseface. They're making a TV series of it... wonder if it'll stick...

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ddvmor


I am the Jammie King!




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Posts: 12736
Date: Jul 4, 2007
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Just so you know. There was grim in the gents today. It was grim. Not as grim as some of the earlier grimness that has occured in this thread, but pretty jolly grim nontheless.

You may continue with whatver you were doing now.

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Aodan


Teiam Member




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Date: Jul 5, 2007
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I think you should start a sign campaign.

Or set up hidden cameras to find out who the disgusting parties are.

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HaloBurn


Dad



Yarrr...



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Date: Jul 5, 2007
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hmmm went to use the toilet today and one of the village of the damned (that's newspaper vendors - you know the guys that sell em on street corners) was just waddling out the cubical and had pished his dark nearly green pee juice all over the toilet seat and floor omfg.gif

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ddvmor


I am the Jammie King!




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Date: Jul 5, 2007
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Yum. Nice. Did you buy one of his papers?

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ddvmor


I am the Jammie King!




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Posts: 12736
Date: Aug 13, 2007
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Grimness update: Someone has BO this morning. Don't know who.

Also, the naked man is back in the churchyard:

Someone in the office wrote:
Following on from Debbies previous email about a man making a spectacle of himself in public I have just been advised that he is at it again. He is located, as before, in the Church yard and I would recommend against using it for a shortcut.
Hooray.

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ddvmor


I am the Jammie King!




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Posts: 12736
Date: Aug 17, 2007
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Oh dear god.

The following story is anecdotal. It allegedly happened to someone on the third floor, who told a friend of one of my colleagues. If it's true, most of the other grimness that you've read about is positively tame by comparison.

I suggest that if you are eating, or intending to eat any time soon, or you are simply of a delicate disposition, then you read no further.

This friend of a friend of a colleague was walking to the bus stop about 20 yards from the main entrance to our building. This stretch of pavement is quite public and is well trodden.

Waiting at the bus stop was a woman accompanied by around six children... one of which was taking a dump on the pavement!

To make matters worse than they already were (and you have to admit, it was already pretty bad) the mother, rather than scolding the child or at the very least, taking the child into the bushes to do it's dirty business, was chivvying the child along saying 'Haven't you finished yet? The bus will be here in a minute'.

Needless to say, the friend of a friend of a colleague took the wise decision not to wait for the bus at that stop, or, indeed to catch the same bus as this family from hell.

Now, it all sounds just a little far fetched, but on my way into the office this morning I pass that bus stop and I do recall having to side step what I thought was a dog turd...

What the hell is wrong with people? I mean, there's a public loo a few hundred yards down the street - was that too far to go? I'm sorry Stead. Your crossbow just won't do this time. We need to nuke Bedminster. Right now (actually, give me about 10 minutes to get out of the target zone)! bleh.gif



-- Edited by ddvmor at 10:51, 2007-08-17

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Aodan


Teiam Member




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Date: Aug 20, 2007
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eeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww


I found a similar pile on the side of the shopping center the other day... blech



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ddvmor


I am the Jammie King!




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Posts: 12736
Date: Aug 20, 2007
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Ah. But was it people poo, or was it just a normal dog poo? And which would you rather step in?

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Aodan


Teiam Member




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Date: Aug 20, 2007
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It definitely wasn't dog poo... it looked just like the piles that someone used to leave behind the back door to the bookstore that I used to work at. Some guy would just come back there every once and a while and just leave a steaming pile right in front of the door hoping that one of us would step in it..

I think he's the same guy that painted our bathroom with poo too.

People are disgusting.


As for stepping in it, poo is poo and I'd rather not step in any sort of it.

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JonnyStead


"I'm Lois!"


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Date: Aug 20, 2007
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A few years ago I was offered a 2 year secondment promotion to Mumbai - I phoned my Dad to see what he thought and he said "Fine if you're comfortable with people stopping in front of you on the street and just taking a bowel movement there and then" - nice - a whole city of them...

I didnt accept it...

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I'll take arrogance and the inevitable hubris over self-doubt and lack of confidence.

"Everyone has a plan, until they get punched in the face" - Mike Tyson
Aodan


Teiam Member




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Date: Aug 20, 2007
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blankstare.gif

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ddvmor


I am the Jammie King!




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Posts: 12736
Date: Aug 20, 2007
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JonnyStead wrote:
"Fine if you're comfortable with people stopping in front of you on the street and just taking a bowel movement there and then"
Exactly like Bedminger then!

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Truckman


Old.
But wise!





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Date: Aug 20, 2007
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Could be lower Westheimer Ave. in Houston on any Saturday night...Ben

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ddvmor


I am the Jammie King!




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Posts: 12736
Date: Aug 21, 2007
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Looks like every town has it's minging neighbouroods...

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JonnyStead


"I'm Lois!"


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Date: Aug 21, 2007
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Indeed - except where you and Catfish live - coz thats posh

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I'll take arrogance and the inevitable hubris over self-doubt and lack of confidence.

"Everyone has a plan, until they get punched in the face" - Mike Tyson
stevo


UK Ambassador to the Antipodes



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Posts: 92
Date: Aug 24, 2007
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This thread is gold......perhaps thats the wrong way of putting it but I've just had a good chuckle at the expense of Bedminster and I'm 10,000 miles away from that hive of scum and villany..

I havent seen any poo, dog or human on the streets of Perth...I have seen a lot of drunk Aboriginals that smell of pi$$ and vomit though...

I wonder what happened to the guy in the church....??



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ddvmor


I am the Jammie King!




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Posts: 12736
Date: Aug 24, 2007
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As far as I know, he hasn't been caught yet. I had to cut through that particular churchyard yestday and there was no sign of him.

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stevo


UK Ambassador to the Antipodes



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Posts: 92
Date: Aug 24, 2007
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Well I'm sure the W*nker is out there somewhere...maybe he's watching you right now through a telescope...
jdkwink

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ddvmor


I am the Jammie King!




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Posts: 12736
Date: Aug 24, 2007
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That must mean he's camping out on the roof of the Asda deliveries unit.

Stead... get up there with you crossbow. Ben... cover him!

-- Edited by ddvmor at 10:38, 2007-08-24

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stevo


UK Ambassador to the Antipodes



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Posts: 92
Date: Aug 24, 2007
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I've heard of Fiddler on the roof but this is ridiculous!



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ddvmor


I am the Jammie King!




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Posts: 12736
Date: Aug 24, 2007
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Heh. Nice! Shouldn't you be going home?

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