The following Dodgers have been smited by the JDK for their crimes against Jam:
All the girls! for picking on the JDK and damaging his already delicate self esteem!
The Basserd Who Nicked Copper's Stuff For the offense of nicking Copper's stuff. You are a tw*t, whoever you are and we all hope you get run over by a tram in Nottingham. Or Liverpool. Or whereever else they have trams!
Copper For the crime of playing with her Wii instead of her Jammie pals!
Here's a couple more useful bits of survival info:
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews, and testing were done, there were three finalists...two men and a woman.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!!!"
"You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."
The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."
The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room.
Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow...
"This gun is loaded with blanks", she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."
Moral: Women are evil. Don't mess with them.
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
The next week, the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00AM for an early morning business flight to Chicago.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (AND LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM."
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and that he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't awakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Moral: Men are not equipped for contests like these!
I have a bowl of All Bitch every morning! Didn't you notice? It says on the box that if you take the All Bitch challenge and eat a bowl every morning, after a month you'll feel really good - I've been eating it for nearly a month - notice any difference?
