So, I thought we had problems in my old office with the phantom sh1tter who would alternately leave giant logs or pebbledashing unflushed in the gents. Well, after 2 grim incidents in the last week at this new office, those problems kinda pale in comparison. If you are eating your lunch, or just have a generally delicate disposition (Stead, I'm lookin' at you! ) please do not read on!

Grim incident #1

On entering a cubicle in the gents loos, I was confronted with the sight of a large screwed up wad of toilet paper on the toilet seat. With sh1t on! So... having wiped his @rse, Mr Grim Sh1tter chucked his toilet paper in the general direction of the loo, missed and then went ahed and flushed anyway. I'm sorry, there's no way it was accidental. It was ON THE LOO SEAT! Just below the flush handle!

Pretty nasty, huh. Well, grim incident #2 is arguably worse.

Grim incident #2

We have these special bins for our used plastic cups dotted around the office. They have a hole in the centre for any excess liqued and a series of holes around the outside in which you drop the empty cups.

One of my colleagues just came back from the coffee machine looking rather... unsettled. It seems that someone felt a little poorly and used a plastic cup to catch his or her vomit. Not a dumb idea, you might think. The dumbness (Stead, your crossbow is almost certainly required here!) comes when our resident Chunder Monkey decides that the best way to deal with his or her little cup of sick is to pour it into (and around) the centre section of the cup bin and drop the cup itself into the cup holes.