The following Dodgers have been smited by the JDK for their crimes against Jam:
All the girls! for picking on the JDK and damaging his already delicate self esteem!
The Basserd Who Nicked Copper's Stuff For the offense of nicking Copper's stuff. You are a tw*t, whoever you are and we all hope you get run over by a tram in Nottingham. Or Liverpool. Or whereever else they have trams!
Copper For the crime of playing with her Wii instead of her Jammie pals!
It's quite simple - I come up with a word and you all have to make use of the word (or a derivative of it) in an official document at work - e-mail, letter, memo. Something that you can post here (edited, obviously) so we can see it being used in context. Marks are awarded for ingenuity and/or hilarity. We'll all vote for the winner at the end of the week. The winner gets the opportunity to select the next word!
I simply wanted to follow up and see if Compacting/Repairing and converting the ______ DB helped to resolve the negative number issue as we discussed.
I've attempted to perlustrate potential issues with the TransferText Method as it applies to different versions of Access, as this might be were the issue lies, but I can't seem to find any bugs or know nuisances with it.
If the repair and conversion does not help, we can dump the Method and use SQL with ADO perhaps....
I found the word, dude. I first came accross it a couple of months ago. Tell ya what - I'll dig out the e-mail I sent my boss about it (if I can find it).
Can't find the original - which was absolutely hilarious. In it's absence, I submit the following which I sent a week or two ago and uses the word TWICE!!!
Mr Jones,
Having completed this month's High Turnover Perlustration, I can confirm that we have identified 12 accounts which cause concern.
I anticipate future perlustrations to be completed by the 5th working day of the month.
Turns out that Susan had a copy of my original note squirreled away. The story goes something like this:
Senior management were confused by our use of the word 'Audit' to describe the...er... audits we run on the banks data warehouse to identify potential fraudsters. We have an 'Audit' department who do 'Audits' and 'Audits' involve going to branches and rifling through their papaerwork. therefore what we do is not 'Auditing' but... something else.
So my boss sends us all the following email:
All,
According to the dictionary, 'audit' means 'the inspection and verification of business accounts by a qualified accountant or to make such an inspection'. Whilst we understand perfectly what 'audit' means to us, to others outside our circle it is proving confusing. Is anyone able to come up with an alternative? One word if possible.
Thanks.
To which I responded:
Which dictionary were you looking at? The Merriam Webster's (my copy is leather bound, you know) postulates the following meaning for the word 'audit':
1 a : a formal examination of an organization's or individual's accounts or financial situation b: the final report of an audit
2 : a methodical examination and review
I'd suggest (arguably) that with each audit, we are in fact formally examining the accounts of individuals.
Number 2, however seems to fit absolutely perfectly and I would argue the the word 'audit' is entirely appropriate.
Synonyms for 'audit' include: analysis, review, check-over, checkup, inspection, perlustration, review, scan, scrutiny, survey and view
If we must change the name for the uneducated masses, I'd put forward 'analysis', 'review' or (my personal favourite) 'perlustration'!
See guys, our copy of the Websters is extremely well used!!
I did have a conversation with Derek at work about the correct form of an ellipsis (after being put straight about it myself by my all knowing husband) after Derek had sent me an email using 7 dots. I told him that an elipsis should only have 3 dots to which he responded by informing me that his was a solar ellipsis!
Had a MASSIVE cooked breakfast at work this morning by the way - black pudding an' all - YUMMY!
Well, Nate. looks like it's just you and me with entries so far. Anyone else? Shall I extend the deadline? Or do ya just wanna vote for the winner (who gets to pick the next word)?
Yeah, she said it had something to do with accountants and monitoring adherence to rules. Only been at school for a week. She'll be teaching her teacher by the end of Term.
even now.
